3 Things SOME Adoptive Parents Do That Drive Me Crazy!

Photo Credit: Jacob Schere,Flickr
There are a lot of things I do that drive people crazy. More than one post could be written about that. 

As a rule, I'm not into judging. So why am I zeroing in on adoptive parents (AP's) today when I have so many issues myself? Because a lot of adoptive parents have been writing to me, especially since I published my story. And they want to know...what do they need to do? How do they need to change?

"How do we avoid this kind of pain, Deanna?" and "What can we do to make sure our kids don't go through this?" they ask.

Post-Story Q & A with Deanna


The following are some questions I've been asked by readers in response to the story.  I thought I'd share them with everyone, in case you've wondered too...

Photo Credit: takomabiblot, Flickr


 Can I meet Tom?

No. I have promised Judy that her identity will remain private in my writings. Thus, I have changed Tom's name as well. I would love for the entire world to know Tom and can understand why you'd want to. Everyone loves Tom. He's amazzzzzing. Due to respecting my mother's privacy, I cannot do an open interview with Tom or introduce him in any way that would reveal his identity here.

Emotional Vs. Physical Pain
(And What I'm Discovering in the Storm)

Yesterday was a hard day.
Hard is not an appropriate word.
But appropriate words don't come easy right now.

I'm a wordsmith. Words are my deal.
And yet, accurate adjectives escape me.


Photo Credit: Permanently Scatterbrained, Flickr

I woke up to some adoption drama. Yes, that occurs even this far into an adoptee's journey. We will always be adopted no matter how old we get. (When they say, "Adoption is forever..." it really is!)   And our families (birth and adoptive) react in different ways to us, particularly in the storms of life. And they always will do this. It's not always a conscious thing on their parts that they do it. It's not always malicious or intentional, it's just reality. It comes with the territory of being a family "touched" by adoption as some call it, and I have come to accept this aspect and be at peace with it. I will always be different in this regard than my non-adoptee counterparts.  

Assumptions About Unwed Pregnant Girls

People sometimes try to debate me on adoption issues, emphasis on the word try and say things like:


Photo Credit: genue.luben, Flickr
It's so much better for unwed girls/women to relinquish their babies instead of keeping and raising them, because if the child is not adopted they:

[pick one]

  • May be neglected
  • May be abused
  • May be mistreated/abused/killed by the mother's boyfriend