Marriage and Surprises and Adoptees, Oh My!

My husband changed his initial engagement plan, otherwise we may not have ended up getting married.

 

Photo Credit: auberirdische sind gesund, FlickR

Once engaged, Larry told me of another idea he almost went through with.  He planned to get a ladder, lean it against the outside of my college dorm room, climb up and knock on the window. When I opened the window he was going to ask me to marry him while holding out a helium balloon with what I would think was the engagement ring tied to the balloon string. Just as I reached for it, he was going act as if he lost control of the balloon and let it go off into the sky. The plan was to let me freak out --believing my engagement ring was irretrievably gone. After a few moments, he was going to pull the real ring from out of his pocket and say, “Gotcha! Surprise!" and propose for real.

Two things never, never, never to say to an adoptee: "Gotcha!" or "Surprise!"

Needless to say, it's likely I would have slammed the window shut and walked away, I would have been so upset.

Can You Be Adopted AND (Happily) Married?

Mail is landing in my inbox from adoptees asking me if I'll write on the subject of how being an adoptee can affect one's marriage. And specifically, how to make marriage work if you are an adoptee, or married to one. If you have no idea why this would be necessary to talk about, all I have to say is, do not put your high beams on.

 I've tried to figure out why people are asking me to write about this and I have come to the conclusion:

 A lot of adoptees that I know personally do seem to have a struggle with marriage or romantic relationships. Then again, marriage is not easy to begin with!

Some have said they are on second and third marriages (or beyond) and others have given up completely.

 People notice I've been married 25 years and think I must know something.

I didn't jump on this topic suggestion right away. Part of my hesitancy was that I have to live this out every day. And, some days I fail. My husband and I are a work in progress. But we do know how to persevere in arduous times . With that said, join me this week as we talk about adoptee marriage issues! **Happy Dance**

When Larry and I speak at marriage conferences, he always starts by saying, "My wife and I have been happily married for 23 wonderful years! That's not bad for 25 years altogether..."  

Big Announcement Today!

I don’t normally post here at AR on the weekends. But today is a super exciting day. This morning at Celebration we announced that Adoptee Restoration Tampa Bay is officially launching on Saturday, April 13!  This group will meet at the church, however you do not have to be a person of faith to attend. This group is for all adult adoptees.

I’ve had this in mind from the very beginning  of starting the blog and even included the link at the top to provide monthly information, but have been waiting for a few things to come together to get started. A few local readers have been emailing me saying, “When? When? When?”

It’s here!

I know, I know. All of you don’t live in Tampa. Or anywhere near. Most of you, in fact.  But here are three reasons you can be excited. 

What Do Adoptees Talk About?

Every day I talk to adoptees, many of whom have become my close friends.  One of my dearest friends is Amanda Woolston, the DeclassifiedAdoptee, and founder/editor of Lost Daughters. We chat regularly, sometimes just about life and lots of times about adoption. Our talks have been so meaningful to us, we recently said, “You know, we should publish some of these chats…”

Photo Credit: Search Engine People Blog, FlickR

So, here we go. Today we're publishing one of our actual online chats, the subject of which is frustration surrounding speaking our truth and encountering non-adoptees who just don't understand, and some that don't want to understand.

5 Amazing Things About Being An Adoptee!

I’ve blogged about eating disorders and foot shuffling and nail biting and bed wetting and pain and heartache. Some of you are waiting to see if I blog about swallowing razor blades or attempting to jump off the Empire State Building.

Photo Credit: Michael Ruiz, FlickR

Today I’m going to share five amazing things about being an adoptee.

Adoptees & Dogs... Why They Make a Great Combination

 

"The more I know about people, the better I like my dog."

-- Mark Twain

Clearly the world is crazy about dogs. Well, the normal people are, anyway.  And, the adoration is deserved.

When I was a little girl I had a dog named Kelly, a golden retriever. This is one of my favorite photos of us together, and friends who have seen this photo have remarked that my "style" is still the same. I have boots I wear, exactly like this, still today. And plenty of dresses just like that one in my closet that I wear now. I just don't let them hike that high up on my thighs today. Nobody wants to see that much cellulite.

Kelly has long gone on to be with Jesus, but now I have two huge but gentle dog-a-sauruses named Max and Maddie.

Many people whether adopted or not speak of a very special relationship with their dogs. The strength of character dogs display is particularly appreciated by me, as an adoptee who has a long track record of problems trusting human beings. And not for nothing, I might add! 

The Wonder Years

For adoptees, all the years are the wonder years. Unless they've been given access to all the information about themselves.  

Did you ever think of what a strange world adoptee-land can be, where a human being does not readily have knowledge of their own personal history? I can't think of many things much more bizarre than that, not to mention, potentially dangerous when it comes to medical history.

I am hard pressed to think of any adoptee I personally know who has told me that knowing their full history, even in what some would term "worse case scenarios" was worse than not knowing. 

Photo Credit: Luz Adriana Villa A, FlickR

A counselor once advised me that secrets are some of the most destructive things in the world. I know that full well.  It's often been said, "You're only as sick as your secrets."