Do all the good you can.
By all the means you can.
In all the ways you can.
In all the places you can.
At all the times you can.
To all the people you can.
As long as ever you can.
Deanna: Karen, I admire your work with Access Connecticut Now, and am eager to have a conversation with you today to find out latest development. First question...at times, things get discouraging. Do you believe there any hope for adoptee rights?
Karen: In a word, Yes!
 | |
| Karen Caffrey, LPC, JC |
If you’re an adoptee born in the United States, chances are
that you do not have the legal right to obtain a copy of your true, original birth
certificate or any records or documents related to your birth. We adoptees have the misfortune to be living
in an era where shame and
stigma surrounding our conception and birth has been codified into law in
most states.
But we are also fortunate to be living at the end of this
era. A small but growing number of
states are changing these laws to allow adult adoptees access to their
birth identities. These legal changes
have typically occurred as a result of advocates clawing their way through a miasma of myth and
misinformation that infects the general public’s understanding of
adoption.
Adoptees have been isolated from each other as a result of
the cloud
of pretense that fogs our very existence, covering the underlying shame and
stigma. For years we were supposed to
“pass” as non-adopted. Or buy into the
myth that we were “special”. Why would
we need to gather, to share our stories, to share in the strength of our
numbers? What, for heaven’s sake, could
we have to complain about? Never mind
raising our voices, organizing, shaking our fists and lobbying…
(If you’re a regular reader of Deanna’s blog you know the
answers to these questions.)
Deanna: Why do you believe it is
taking so long to get adoptee rights laws passed?
Karen: A while back one of my fellow advocates and I were
brain storming around the challenges we face.
Suddenly he said, “If only our cause were more emotionally simple, you
know, like ‘Kittens Deserve Milk!’ Who could disagree with that?” We imagined the groundswell of support that
would arise. We saw the flocks of
supporters who would come to our meetings, write their legislators, and contribute
their funds. We envisioned thousands of
people chanting, posters held high above their heads on the steps of the
Capitol. “Kittens Deserve Milk! Kittens
Deserve Milk!” We laughed. We sighed.
Then we got back to work.
If you’ve had even a single conversation about adoptee
rights with anyone besides a fellow advocate, you are well aware of how the
myth, misinformation, emotional complexities and outright hostility we
encounter make us long for our mythical kitten constituents.
Unfortunately our “enemies” are legion, and reside both
inside and outside of us. Shall I name a
few?
·
There must be something wrong with me for
wanting to know my birth identity. I
must be maladjusted/crazy/sick.
·
I must be a bad/ungrateful/selfish daughter/son
to even consider hurting my adoptive parents this way.
·
I have no right to invade my birth mother’s
privacy. I am selfish to even consider
it.
·
Why can’t I just leave well enough alone? (Answer:
Because I am bad/ungrateful/sick/selfish.)
(I have had people say ALL of these things to me.)
Add on top of this the run-of-the-mill fears and challenges
that many social justice advocates grapple with:
·
I’m just one person. One person can’t make a difference.
·
Politicians are corrupt. Why should I waste my breath trying to get
them to listen? They don’t care anyway.
·
Politics is all about highly paid lobbyists and
special interests. I don’t want to dirty my hands.
With these kinds of impediments, it’s a wonder we’ve gotten
anything done!
Deanna: Who
should pay for us to get our rights back?
Karen: Among adoptees, I’ve also noticed a suspicion of being used
around money that may exceed that of the “average bear”. Perhaps it’s due to feeling like we were
treated as a purchased commodity early
in life. And in today’s environment
where the
for-profit adoption industry abounds, adoptees have a particular right to
be suspicious of potential abuses around money.
So who should pay for us to get our rights back? Our parents?
The government? Adoption
agencies? Frankly, none of these
entities are going to pay. But more to
the point, why should they? Do we really
want to take the stance that we are owed a special privilege that entitles us
to have other adults pay our way?
We are no longer children.
We can’t be claiming we deserve the same rights as other adults if we
are not willing to shoulder the same adult responsibilities.
Deanna: I'm glad you've shared this, Karen. It's definitely needed and timely. Many people may wonder how much their one contribution will accomplish. So let me throw this question out there to you...for the person out there who thinks that -- how
much good can any one of us do?
Karen: John Wesley exhorts us to do all the good we can. Yet not all of us can give the kind of time,
money and energy that is devoted by the most active, “in the trenches”
advocates. When I donate to a cause, I
am so grateful that there are people willing to actively do the work that I
don’t have the time or the skill to do.
I have a friend who works
in Africa building kitchens and serving meals to orphaned children. I’ve chosen not to do this with my life at
this time, but I’m grateful that I can help HER do it.
Hundreds of years ago the English writer John Heywood
immortalized the phrase, “many
hands make light work.” I’m sure all of you have causes you support in
various ways and with various levels of energy.
We can’t do all the work that needs to be done in the world and take
care of ourselves, as well. So the
question becomes whether a collective group of people can offer their “hands“,
so that the strength of the crowd allows the good work to become possible.
Deanna: What good
has been done so far?
Karen: About a year and a half ago, Deanna
graciously allowed me to post here on the topic of advocacy, and my
personal journey from devastation to empowerment. Since then, in my home state
of Connecticut the efforts of our adoptee rights group led to the passage of a
partial access bill. As
a result of that law, on July 1, 2015 any adult adoptee born and adopted in
Connecticut after October 1, 1983 has the right to get a copy of their true, original
birth certificate. That’s the first time in forty YEARS that any adoptee in our
state can get their original birth certificate as a matter of RIGHT under the law!
Deanna: What
did this good cost?
Karen: Blood
and treasure.
Through incredible synchronicity and hard work, the energy
of thousands of individuals was marshaled to restore this right to adult
adoptees. Our supporters gave of their
time and came to meetings, called and wrote
their legislators, spoke to their friends and families (who in turn reached
out to their legislators), and obtained endorsements from
professional organizations (by attending their meetings, reaching out to
their members and talking with their leaders).
We had supporters from local churches and clergy, lawyers, and adoption
professionals.
Hundreds of legislators and government officials read our
information and listened to us. Some of
them helped us draft several iterations of the proposed bill. They spent time with us, thought about our
issue, and discussed it with their own friends and family. We met with the Governor’s office, the
Lieutenant Governor, the Attorney General, the Commissioners of the Department
of Children and Families and the Department of Public Health, the Probate Court
Administrator’s Office and their staffs and attorneys.
TV reporters came to our events with their camera crews and
televised interviews with our supporters.
Journalists
interviewed us, wrote articles, talked with their editors and published
stories. People wrote
letters to their editors, and posted on blogs, Face book and Twitter. Advocates all over the country advised us,
shared their experiences and supported our efforts through emails, Facebook
posts and phone calls.
Many, many people sent $5, $10, $50 dollars or more. We received anonymous $1000 matching grants
and $7000 in grants from the American
Adoption Congress. We used these
funds to hire an experienced lobbyist who
cared, listened to us, learned about our issue and used his skills and
experience to help us.
Thousands of people combined their energy, their “hands”,
and got the job part way done.
We want to finish the job.
We are going back to the legislature in a few months to try to get the
law extended to the pre-1983 adoptees who weren’t covered by the law that was
passed.
There’s a great scene in the classic 1975 movie “Jaws”, when
Sheriff Brody first sees the massive shark lunging out of the water right next
to Captain Quint’s boat. Backing up in
shock, he tells the Captain, “You’re going to need a
bigger boat.” As it turns out, they
didn’t need a bigger boat. They had
enough grit, determination and yes, luck, to get the job done.
We’ve got the boat.
We’ve got the grit and determination.
(And the structure, organization
and connections.)
Deanna: What
more do we need?
Karen: We need YOU. We need the tangible support of adoptees like you, in any one of the following
ways:
1.
A
donation to our crowd funding campaign, which continues through October
7. Frankly this is our most immediate,
pressing need to ensure we can pursue our legislative efforts. We invite you to take a few moments to watch our moving video and
read the information about our work.
(Our financials
are transparent and can be viewed on our website.)
2.
Sign up
for our email newsletter, so you can keep up to date with our activities
and help in ways that fit best for you and your available time and energy
level, especially as the legislative session gets underway.
3.
Please let us know if you are a member of a United Church of Christ church. The Connecticut Conference of the UCC is
considering an Adoptee
Rights Resolution at its annual meeting on October 23-24, 2015. We are meeting with many UCC churches and are
garnering support for the Resolution. If
it passes in Connecticut it will be considered by the UCC General Synod in
2017. The moral and practical impact on
adoptees throughout the United States if the UCC adopts this Resolution is
immense.
And if you believe prayer, please pray for us.
Deanna: You can count on it.
Access Connecticut Now, Inc. is a non-profit,
grassroots adoptee rights organization working to restore the right of ALL
Connecticut adoptees to obtain a copy of their true, original birth
certificate. Visit them at www.accessconnecticut.org, on Facebook and Twitter. Karen Caffrey is the President of the
organization.
