November 13, 2018

The Disappointment of a Lack of Close DNA Matches

I used to see this in my inbox and get terribly excited. My heart would race and my fingers couldn’t log in fast enough.
Now I see this notification and sometimes I don’t even log in right away.

Everyone says, “Don’t stop believing…”
Honestly some days I do, and some days I don’t.
My faith is high for other people, and other things, but when it comes to having faith for myself, it’s often low. Maybe it’s that adoptee curse of always feeling like you will be the one who is different.  
I logged in yesterday to see my matches and none of them even made the front page. They weren't close 5th-8th cousins.

Unless my father lives to be an extremely old man of Biblical proportions, time is running out.

I continue to hold on to all of my many blessings in life, and accept the fact that this may not be one of them.

November 11, 2018

And I Think To Myself...What a Wonderful World

This photo by The Heims (Heim Photography)

The wedding is over, and it was absolutely beautiful. Our kids are married now and headed off to their honeymoon cruise.   

Last night I looked into that beautiful face of the first blood relative I ever laid eyes on, and danced to “What a Wonderful World.” He truly is the most amazing young man on the planet.  I am so happy that he and Taylor have one another to love for a lifetime.

I always dreamed of this…starting a family. Raising a family. Doing it the way I always imagined. Now they will start and raise a family of their own. 

Some dreams do come true even when other ones don’t.

You have to hold on to the ones that do.

Last week while I was at school, part of what we studied about was being fully present. I decided to do that on the wedding day. Once the wedding started, I left my phone in the car on purpose. When I got back to the car late at night there were a zillion messages. Even people asking me questions about the wedding day, or needing help with this or that. (For example, “Where should I park???") With my phone in the car, I was able to avoid distraction and just focus on Dustin and Taylor.

It was a great decision. I fully experienced the day.

My phone becomes my slave at times. I want to change that. 

I want to experience the wonders of the world unhindered.

November 10, 2018

A Face Like Mine

Today the first blood relative that I ever laid eyes on is getting married.

Going through my pregnancy with Dustin, delivering him and parenting him rocked my world. And not just in the way that it happens with most parents! When an adoptee has a kid, it’s indescribable how it affects you. With many adoptees it is the catalyst for their search. It definitely impacted me that way and in many more ways beyond that.

Looking into his little face, I realized it was the first time I had ever seen anyone who looked like me.

Genetic mirroring!

I wept and wept. 

My life was never the same.

I will never get tired of looking at that face. No matter how old he gets – no matter how many new seasons in life come for him or for me -- he will always have the distinction of being the first blood relative I ever looked at, held, and saw myself in.

Everything in life changed for the better when he was born.

 Today his Dad and I both have the honor of doing performing the wedding ceremony. 

I want all the happiness for him in the world, and I’m so glad he and Taylor have found it, together.