March 30, 2015

Adoptees Deserve the Truth No Matter What

No. Matter. What.

That’s the absolute answer to the question, “Should all adoptees have the truth of their origin, no matter the circumstance?" 

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I am still very much in search mode. There is an active search going on with a team of people who are committed to help me search for my natural father. In fact, we are closer to the resolution of this search than ever before and have bona fide leads that are DNA matches.

I am cognizant of the fact that many people believe in some circumstances, it’s best that a person not know the truth. 

Or that when the truth is revealed and the person's father or mother ends up to be a rapist, abuser, criminal -- or even someone related to their other parent. (cases of incest) it's understandable that the truth was not revealed to them.

And I believe that’s bull.

March 23, 2015

When People Desperately NEED You to Say Adoption is Beautiful

I had a friend.

The loss of the friendship makes me sad and at the same time, not so.

Reason being: I believe in living in reality. 

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Is friendship worth it if it requires you to depart from reality?

My ex-friend, Linda*, is adopted.

Linda has often remarked that she's, "sooooo glad she was adopted." Emphasis on the word was. She doesn't consider herself an "adoptee" and bristles at the word. Although adoptee is the proper term for anyone who is adopted, never mind the facts.

March 19, 2015

Secrets and Lies of the Adoption Constellation

Let's imagine together.

Imagine with me, something I can’t fathom happening in my wildest dreams. 

What if my husband cheated on me?

For those who don't know my husband, Larry...let me introduce you. 

He's a man of his word, a person of integrity and a great husband and father. I am so blessed to be married to a person regarded by many, including me, as an integral man of God.  He's sexy in a black suit, too.

But imagine for a moment that none of that was true.

Picture Larry...spinning a web of secrets and lies. 

I imagine many of my friends and family would say, “What a jerk!” 

I know for a fact that if Larry did this, many if not most of our friends and family would encourage me to leave, or to kick him out – particularly if he wasn’t willing to come clean with everything, and turn completely from his deceitful ways.

I can hear them now: “You don’t need this, or deserve it, Deanna…” 

March 2, 2015

Are You Using Instant Therapy Spray?

While I was on vacation, I spotted this gag gift in a store and it brought a hearty chuckle.

As funny as it was to see this “instant therapy spray”, it reminded me of how many broken or even traumatized people think they can become whole without help.

Just like crash diets don’t work, neither does suppression, pasting on a smile, or living in denial.

“Stopping by to talk to the pastor” doesn’t work either.  I’ve been a minister for 28 years and although I have the utmost respect for pastors, they aren’t the same as therapists. Pastors give biblical counsel, not therapy – unless they are also licensed professional therapists. I know a few pastors who have that training and licensing, but most don’t.