Adoptees Deserve the Truth No Matter What

No. Matter. What.

That’s the absolute answer to the question, “Should all adoptees have the truth of their origin, no matter the circumstance?" 

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I am still very much in search mode. There is an active search going on with a team of people who are committed to help me search for my natural father. In fact, we are closer to the resolution of this search than ever before and have bona fide leads that are DNA matches.

I am cognizant of the fact that many people believe in some circumstances, it’s best that a person not know the truth. 

Or that when the truth is revealed and the person's father or mother ends up to be a rapist, abuser, criminal -- or even someone related to their other parent. (cases of incest) it's understandable that the truth was not revealed to them.

And I believe that’s bull.

When People Desperately NEED You to Say Adoption is Beautiful

I had a friend.

The loss of the friendship makes me sad and at the same time, not so.

Reason being: I believe in living in reality. 

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Is friendship worth it if it requires you to depart from reality?

My ex-friend, Linda*, is adopted.

Linda has often remarked that she's, "sooooo glad she was adopted." Emphasis on the word was. She doesn't consider herself an "adoptee" and bristles at the word. Although adoptee is the proper term for anyone who is adopted, never mind the facts.

Secrets and Lies of the Adoption Constellation

Let's imagine together.

Imagine with me, something I can’t fathom happening in my wildest dreams. 

What if my husband cheated on me?

For those who don't know my husband, Larry...let me introduce you. 

He's a man of his word, a person of integrity and a great husband and father. I am so blessed to be married to a person regarded by many, including me, as an integral man of God.  He's sexy in a black suit, too.

But imagine for a moment that none of that was true.

Picture Larry...spinning a web of secrets and lies. 

I imagine many of my friends and family would say, “What a jerk!” 

I know for a fact that if Larry did this, many if not most of our friends and family would encourage me to leave, or to kick him out – particularly if he wasn’t willing to come clean with everything, and turn completely from his deceitful ways.

I can hear them now: “You don’t need this, or deserve it, Deanna…” 

The Adoptee Survival Guide
An Interview With Lynn Grubb

Today I have the privilege of interviewing the one, the only, the amazing...Lynn Grubb! She is an inspiration to me in so many ways. This week her new book, Adoptee Survival Guide released and is already one of the "hot new releases" on Amazon! It is available on both Kindle and in paperback. I am incredibly honored to be one of the authors included in this book, and so thankful that Lynn had the vision for this project and the tenacity to compile and edit it.

And without further's our interview.

Deanna: Lynn, what gave you the idea for the Adoptee Survival Guide?

Lynn: I was at church one day reading a Lutheran magazine about a woman who was a full-time caregiver for her very ill husband.  She wrote an article about taking care of oneself when caring for others.  She talked about the difficulties that one faced, such as not being able to have any time for yourself and the feelings that come along with being a full-time caregiver.  She later published a book with the words “survival guide” in the title, and the idea hit me like a bolt of lightning.  I definitely believe this was God-driven and had God revealed to me the amount of work this project actually was going to be, He knew that this may not have come to fruition.  But it truly was a labor of love.

Are You Using Instant Therapy Spray?

While I was on vacation, I spotted this gag gift in a store and it brought a hearty chuckle.

As funny as it was to see this “instant therapy spray”, it reminded me of how many broken or even traumatized people think they can become whole without help.

Just like crash diets don’t work, neither does suppression, pasting on a smile, or living in denial.

“Stopping by to talk to the pastor” doesn’t work either.  I’ve been a minister for 28 years and although I have the utmost respect for pastors, they aren’t the same as therapists. Pastors give biblical counsel, not therapy – unless they are also licensed professional therapists. I know a few pastors who have that training and licensing, but most don’t.