Expressing feelings of pain or grief is something adoptees aren’t supposed to do in regard to our adoptions. Early on, we understand our job description well. It basically consists of two words:
We are not to vocalize any feelings of loss or grief, one reason being that it may be perceived as speaking against what is proclaimed as a heroic choice.
Adoptees are told by the people in our lives (and many times people who aren’t even in our lives and have no idea of our personal circumstances) that our natural mother made a heroic choice -- the greatest choice- the most unselfish choice. We are assured that what she displayed in giving us up, was true love.
As children this left many of us perplexed.