Adoptees Who Search: There's Always Something Left to Do!


 


When I was searching for my maternal family, I went by the saying, “There’s always something left to do!” Every time I thought I had exhausted all avenues and there was literally nothing left to do, I was wrong. There was always another stone left unturned and if I thought long and hard enough, I would discover it. I’ve taken to using this as my motto for the paternal search as well.  For any adoptee who is searching and feeling like you've come to the end -- you haven't. I promise. 

Keep going!

With my maternal search, "something left to do" was limited to the search itself. With my paternal search, DNA testing has changed things.

Why I Struggle With This Time of Year More Than Any Other as An Adoptee (And Who God Sent to Help Me With That!)



Last week I received a Facebook friend request from a lady named Linda. I was so excited. She is Kenny’s wife!  (If you have no idea who Kenny is, you need to read my last post.) Kenny is not connected on social media, but Linda is. And she’s just the sweetest. Here is part of her first communication to me on a Facebook message:


Hey Deanna! It’s wonderful to hear from you. Kenny and I feel like you've become family.  Kenny has been checking with people in the family and people that might have graduated with your Momma. We haven't heard anything that would help you yet.  But as you know, God is great every day! I am praying for you that God will lead you to some answers and peace of mind in knowing about your Daddy and other family. That would be a blessing for you. I hope Kenny and I can meet you one day. I hope you and your family have a very blessed Christmas. 


This is the first of many messages with Linda and I am beyond grateful for this couple. For all the frustration I have in dealing with a few  idiots people with my search, I am reminded through people like Kenny and Linda that there are people who are willing to help a person who was once a stranger. 
 

Adopted and Searching: Today I'm Venting





I’ve got to get this off my chest, so here goes.

Usually I do not use this blog to vent, but to share my journey, educate, and open people’s minds to another way of understanding life adopted. But today, I'm ready to rant.

So this week I met a man. His name is Kenny. He’s the nicest man in the world. I’ll take it further – he’s not just nice, he’s amazing. When I take my next trip to Virginia, I’ll be stopping off to have coffee with Kenny, for sure.

It’s amazing how in just a week’s time you can connect on a deep level with someone. I'm part of a Facebook group that is made up of people from my natural mother's hometown. I joined in hopes that someone there would know something and help me. These people have been so kind and generous to me, trying to do anything it takes to help me with my search. It was recommended by some of them that I talk to Kenny. His family lived only a few doors down from my natural mom's family and they are very well known in town. Not only that but his 94 year old mom is still alive and has a mind as sharp as a tack.  

The Disappointment of a Lack of Close DNA Matches


I used to see this in my inbox and get terribly excited. My heart would race and my fingers couldn’t log in fast enough.
 
Now I see this notification and sometimes I don’t even log in right away.

Everyone says, “Don’t stop believing…”
 
Honestly some days I do, and some days I don’t.
 
My faith is high for other people, and other things, but when it comes to having faith for myself, it’s often low. Maybe it’s that adoptee curse of always feeling like you will be the one who is different.  
 
I logged in yesterday to see my matches and none of them even made the front page. They weren't close enough....like 5th-8th cousins.

Unless my father lives to be an extremely old man of Biblical proportions, time is running out.

I continue to hold on to all of my many blessings in life, and accept the fact that this may not be one of them.

And I Think To Myself...What a Wonderful World


This photo by The Heims (Heim Photography)


The wedding is over, and it was absolutely beautiful. Our kids are married now and headed off to their honeymoon cruise.   



Last night I looked into that beautiful face of the first blood relative I ever laid eyes on, and danced to “What a Wonderful World.” He truly is the most amazing young man on the planet.  I am so happy that he and Taylor have one another to love for a lifetime.



I always dreamed of this…starting a family. Raising a family. Doing it the way I always imagined. Now they will start and raise a family of their own. 

Some dreams do come true even when other ones don’t.




You have to hold on to the ones that do.

Last week while I was at school, part of what we studied about was being fully present. I decided to do that on the wedding day. Once the wedding started, I left my phone in the car on purpose. When I got back to the car late at night there were a zillion messages. Even people asking me questions about the wedding day, or needing help with this or that. (For example, “Where should I park???") With my phone in the car, I was able to avoid distraction and just focus on Dustin and Taylor.


It was a great decision. I fully experienced the day.

My phone becomes my slave at times. I want to change that. 



I want to experience the wonders of the world unhindered.


A Face Like Mine




Today the first blood relative that I ever laid eyes on is getting married.

Going through my pregnancy with Dustin, delivering him and parenting him rocked my world. And not just in the way that it happens with most parents! When an adoptee has a kid, it’s indescribable how it affects you. With many adoptees it is the catalyst for their search. It definitely impacted me that way and in many more ways beyond that.


Looking into his little face, I realized it was the first time I had ever seen anyone who looked like me.

Genetic mirroring!

I wept and wept. 

My life was never the same.

I will never get tired of looking at that face. No matter how old he gets – no matter how many new seasons in life come for him or for me -- he will always have the distinction of being the first blood relative I ever looked at, held, and saw myself in.

Everything in life changed for the better when he was born.

 Today his Dad and I both have the honor of doing performing the wedding ceremony. 

I want all the happiness for him in the world, and I’m so glad he and Taylor have found it, together.