March 7, 2014

Of Adoptees, Sticks and Stones...

I saw this on Facebook the other day.

The writer claims if you agree only with the truth about you, you are free.

The first thought that came to my mind is, “I am free from believing the insult, but unfortunately, I am not free from having to hear it. And hearing it, does hurt." That dude who said the thing about sticks and stones was wrong too.

The fact is, if one is going to remain attached at all socially…
If you are ever going to come out of your home again…
If you go to school...
If you are going to hold down a job…
If you interact with the human race…
Then Cohen's statement is not entirely true.

Being totally free would mean not having to ever hear it again, or at least have to hear it and stay in the same room.

“Well, you don’t have to do that, Deanna…if you don't like something, you can leave...”


And, I would be leaving places on a constant, and I do mean constant, basis. 

I would become "The Disappearing Adoptee."

It’s everywhere. 

And it doesn't go away just because you grow up. 

(Note to adoptive parents: it's a good idea to prepare your kids for this. Part of doing so is to not give them false hope that hearing it goes away when they grow up.)

As an example, I was recently at a ministry event where one of the leaders who is an adoptive parent quickly commandeered the conversation. Throughout the event, they went on and on about their adoption process and personal views. (And, the event was NOT about adoption at all.) In addition to many other things, they shared with the group that the Lord had divinely changed their adopted child’s DNA to match theirs.  I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. [Sigh.]

Apparently Jesus not only changes water into wine...he also zaps the DNA of adopted children.

I said nothing. 

I didn't have the emotional energy after I saw the faces of the other people present in the room who seemed to think it was so wonderful.[Sigh.] 

When I’m not sure I can remain under the control of the Holy Ghost, (Translation: not go postal) I stay silent. Then go home and ride my bike for an hour, come back and eat a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

 If I left the room every time I heard something insulting, I would have left the meeting almost every time this AP opened their mouth.  Everybody would have thought I was struggling with a UTI.

So we are not altogether free of insult just because we do not believe what the other person is saying or internalize it.  

Conversations like these are hurtful.

And again, we don't have to endure them if we just...
Stop attending school.
Resign our job.
Quit going to church.
Forget about having a life outside our house. 

I don’t make it my life’s work to correct statements I see on Facebook, but I do feel compelled to do so with this one.

 Insults do cause injury.
We can be free from believing the insult.
But I’m not sure we’ll ever be free from hearing it, in the first place…until heaven.

Some days, my greatest accomplishment is...being quiet.