August 10, 2013

A Letter Received

Dear Deanna,

From the moment you first grasped your desperate need of me as a very young child, I have been there to hold you close through many circumstances.

I have never left you… never abandoned you, not for a second. 

Photo Credit: Bahman Farzad, Flickr
I too have wept as I witnessed things I knew would bring intense pain to your heart. Remember – I weep too! Yet the free will I have given to human beings allowed painful situations to take place in your life. I know you hate the whole free will thing at times, and you have often brought this up to me in your darkest times of frustration. But you also have come to an understanding  that for anyone’s decisions to hold meaning in this life, free will is a necessity.  

I spoke to you early in life, and often. Even before you were mature enough to grasp it, I was already speaking to you. Before you took your first breath, I wanted you to understand the origin of good and evil. 

I longed for you to understand how good I am. How perfect My heart is toward you.
My fervent desire was that you would be able to sense and know right from wrong as well as the difference between what love is, and what it is not, and so much more. You are grasping this truth at a much deeper level even now.  

I wooed you constantly, drawing you to me with the desire to establish such a closeness with you, it would carry you through what was to come until you would one day be with me face to face. You and I will be together for eternity where you will remain unharmed and at peace, forever. That time of blissful existence has not come yet, because you live in a fallen world. It will not come for you until heaven and you’ve got some time yet to get there.  I have appointed all of your days upon the earth, and in the meantime while waiting to bring you heavenward, I hold you ever so close. 

I so love our talks each morning. Your alarm goes off  as you you rub your feet together, comforting yourself about whatever it is you may be uneasy about regarding the day. Shortly thereafter I hear the “good morning” you direct towards me in your mind as you shake off your slumber. It is unspoken, yet I hear you every so clearly. 

I’m so excited for you to wake up every day. During the night I watch over you, waiting, singing, even dancing over you at times as I wait for you to stir.  We talk for a while and you head for the shower, and get your cup of dark roast. I am crazy about the fact that you talk to me throughout your whole day, asking for my help. Depending on Me is the key to everything and you get that. It’s my delight to help you.

Photo Credit: hn, Flickr
As you sat on the plane Wednesday night – your first flight to Cincinnati to catch your connecting flight, you asked me to clear the path to get to Judy’s bedside while there was still time. You only had a 30 minute layover to connect, and the flight was already running fifteen minutes late for departure.  You asked Me to arrange for a miracle – for someone to understand the urgency although you didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. You didn’t think it would do any good. “Planes and flight schedules and weather just are what they are,” you thought. “This will take a miracle of God,” you surmised. 

Your letters weren’t answered by your boss at NextJob, telling her you would have to take a leave of absence. She was out of the office and you did not realize this was why multiple e-mails you sent throughout the day weren’t answered very quickly, as they customarily are.  So you called from the airport, trying to get in touch with her to let her know. 

She answered the call and you explained the situation to her. 

A man sitting behind you was listening.  
You had no idea.

This man said nothing in the waiting area. But prior to takeoff, when you were settled in with your seat belt buckled, he walked down the aisle and approached you. He put a hand on your shoulder and said, “We’ll make it on time. I’m aware of your situation and just want you to know that.”

When the man approached you, you knew instantly who he was for he was in uniform. He was the pilot of the aircraft.

You were astonished and asked how he could possibly know your situation. The truth is, I simply directed your feet to the right chair in the waiting area before you made your phone call.

If something matters to you, it matters to me. I go before you. I am already in the future, waiting to lead and guide your every step. 

I was with you as you said goodbye to Judy. I gave you the words to say, just as I did on the day when you knocked on her door unannounced  twenty years ago. 

I was with you and your sister last night at dinner as you both sat with tears streaming, alternating between small bites of food and holding the tissues to your eyes to catch the constant stream of tears.

We shared a group hug  after dinner when you went to Kroger to get some groceries and aspirin, and suddenly collapsed into each others arms in the pharmacy aisle...weeping in another wave of grief. You weren't alone as I was there encircling my arms around both of you.

I was there as you two were riding down West Broad Street in Richmond yesterday and your bewildered sister said, "Is this real Deanna? Did we just lose our mother this morning?" I gave both of you the words to say to one another to bring comfort through what surely makes no sense to either of you right now. 

I will be there holding you close at her funeral on Monday. 
I will be there in the days afterwards when you are still sorting everything out.  
I am holding you close, keeping you afloat, as you ride these exceedingly high waves of grief.

As you go to sleep tonight you gently rub your feet together again, longing for comfort even more so because you miss Larry.  You say goodnight, inviting me to watch over you and ask what I want to speak into your life for that moment, for the next day. I love sharing each moment with you, and giving you grace for the journey.

I am the God of all comfort, holding you close right now as the waves of grief come. They are so high and intense, and I am your life jacket.

I don’t just bring you peace, I AM peace personified.
Cling to Me.

More than anything right now I want you to understand that I love you.

And I want you to feel that love as you take every step this day, this hour, this moment.

Yours eternally,