September 11, 2013

Top 10 Things for Adoptees to Say When Told They Should Just Be Glad They Weren’t Aborted

My husband says, “Deanna, be careful with sharing this brand of humor with non-adopted people. Your adoptee friends may be the only ones who get it and others wonder what in the world you all find so funny..."

True. Point taken.

Is there a place for insider humor? I think so.  If we don't laugh, we'll cry! In fact, laughing when people say things like this IS my literal response many times. I find laughing helps to stay relatively sane when faced with such insanity.

So I'm sharing this piece, with a warning to nons…you may wanna click “x” in the corner on this post.

Let the adoptee good times roll!  Here we go...
Deanna’s Top 10 Comebacks for Adoptees to Say to Someone Who Tells You:  “You just need to be glad you weren’t aborted…”

First give them this... my best, "You've got to be kidding" look...

Then, deliver one of these comebacks without cracking a smile.

1) “Hmmmmm just so you know, there is Stand Your Ground law in Florida…and I think this qualifies…”

2) “Good thing my state has Concealed Carry. But I’m fixin’ to unconceal…”

3) “I’m going to count to 10 and give you a running start before you’re touched by adoption…1...2...3...4...”  

4) “Pat Robertson just called. The “People Who Say the Most Ludicrous Things Ever Award” that he keeps winning year after year is on it’s way to you! Congrats.”    

5) “Evidently you’re a survivor too? Surely you’ve been pistol whipped for saying stuff like this, before. Or, is this your first attempt at hurtful-not-to-mention-inappropriate? If so, kudos to you. You nailed it!”

6) “The other night when I peed it really burned...oh I’m sorry…is this the conversation where we say things to other people that are just...awkward? Cause that’s what it feels right now so I was just playing along…”

7) “Chris Christie called. Wants to know if you’ll join him in two years as his running mate for the presidency. You can partner with him in hurting adoptees."

8) “How have you processed your mom’s decision about aborting you or not? [silent pause for effect] What? I’m surprised you haven’t thought about the fact that your mother had the same option and obviously didn’t take it…not sure why you’ve singled me out…”

9) “So do you think we should attack Syria?” [silent pause for effect] Hey, I’m just following your lead in making ludicrous suggestions.

10) "You should just be glad right now that I know Jesus. Sorry you haven't hung out with Him for a while. I can tell you haven't or you'd never say what you just did."