Reunited Korean American Transracial Adoptee Mila Konomos Shares Her Thoughts About Adoption, Christianity & More (Part 3 of 3)

Today brings us to part 3 of a series of posts from the incomparable Mila Konomos. If you missed parts 1 and 2 check them out...

Part 1

Part 2

Deanna: What are your feelings about reunion?

Mila: Uh, every feeling possible? Ha.

For me personally, reunion has been both the best and worst experience. It is both exhilarating yet heartbreaking. Uplifting yet crushing. Fulfilling yet draining. It is the experience of feeling every seemingly contradictory emotion over and over again. It is learning to live life with a divided identity that no matter how hard you try to merge the two, they always feel at odds.

Reunion is not for the faint of heart. And it is certainly not a fairy tale ending. Although it may bring answers, it does not bring closure. Although it may bring healing, it does not fix anything. It does not make adoption all better. And when you are facing language, cultural, and geographical barriers as an international adoptee, well, obviously, this further complicates the reunion experience, not only short-term, but long-term.

Although I can say without a doubt that I do not regret searching and finding, there are times I wish I could make it all disappear. For me, as an adoptee in reunion, I am constantly having to manage complex, seemingly contradictory emotions, thoughts, identities--it’s maddening at times. And somedays, I just wish there was a way to make it all go away. But the reality is that it will never go away. So, I have to deal with it. Reunion is endlessly complicated, and hence my feelings about it are equally complicated.

Reunited Korean American Transracial Adoptee Mila Konomos Shares Her Thoughts About Adoption, Christianity & More (Part 2 of 3)

Once again today we're talking to the ever insightful Mila Konomos! If you missed Part 1, be sure to catch up by reading here.

Deanna: What do you feel are the greatest misconceptions about adoption in general?

Mila: I think one of the most popular yet inaccurate views of adoption is that it is ultimately a good thing. There is a general perspective toward adoption that it is ultimately a noble and beautiful thing--when all is said and done, all the suffering, loss, pain, damage associated with adoption is ultimately mitigated by adoption. Adoption is still viewed as an overall gain in which the loss is cancelled out by the love--this is a harmful misconception that hurts everyone involved from the adoptee to the original parents to the adoptive parents, because it creates unrealistic expectations for everyone.

Another HUGE misconception that so many, especially Christians, REFUSE to dismantle is that adoption does not cause child abandonment/relinquishment, corruption, trafficking, and the like. Christians rarely acknowledge the demand and supply relationship that has been created by modern adoption philosophy and practices.

Christians revel in willful ignorance and choose to believe that adoption is “saving” children from orphanages and/or unloving, dangerous family situations. This is a terrible misconception--and this “head-in-the-sand” approach has provided the perfect substrate for pervasive corruption and abuse to flourish within the international adoption industry. And that’s another misconception--that adoption is not an industry. Oh, but it certainly is.

Reunited Korean American Transracial Adoptee Mila Konomos Shares Her Thoughts About Adoption, Christianity & More (Part 1 of 3)

This week I’m featuring a three part series by my friend and fellow Lost Daughters sister, Mila Konomos. It’s my joy to introduce her to you today, particularly those who may not know her, yet. She’s someone whose poignant posts and caring heart  compelled me from the get go. Her posts on the subject of adoption are among the most widely circulated in the adoption community, and for good reason. She always leaves the reader with so much to think about!

Before you read her three part interview this week I invite you to take a look at her reunion video. It's six minutes and thirty-three seconds of fascinating footage, which never fails to bring me to tears.

Deanna: Mila, although I've known you for a while as part of Lost Daughters, this is the first I'm introducing you here at Adoptee Restoration. Could you begin by giving us your adoptee story in a nutshell. (I know, I know, that's hard!)

Mila: It’s a pretty typical Korean adoptee story in some ways. I was born in Seoul, South Korea in 1975. Adopted by a White American couple as an infant. Began searching for my Korean family in 2002. Found them in 2009. My American parents are less than supportive but more than indifferent to my reunion. As far as being an adult adoptee, I live a good but complicated life in which I feel relentlessly divided. If folks want more details they can go to my retired blog, Yoon’s Blur or to Lost Daughters.