Putting dishes away and blowing out the last of the candles after a leaders meeting in our home last night, I went to the computer to check on a few things before bed. I had not received an email about my first round of DNA tests being in, but thought, "I'll check anyway just in case they are in but the notification hasn't been sent." Logging in, I was surprised to see my results come up. I double checked, thinking, "Am I looking at someone else's sample results?" No, these were definitely mine.
My eyes raced back, and forth. Seven percent middle eastern? Seriously? I'm middle eastern, even just a little bit? Well, knock me over with a feather!
Some things were predictable. I am overwhelmingly European.
And did I get any relative matches? Yes.
I wanted to email them last night.
I sooooooooooooooo wanted to!
But I didn't.
Because I want to do this right. I don't want to screw it up, so I'm going to rely on the experts. I will not make a move without the search team's recommendation.
So now I await the second and third round of results, from two other companies. And as they are revealed my team will take the results and get to the bottom of them.
I was advised that finding through DNA is a steep learning curve. Search angels are experts with genealogy and databases, and DNA helps them to narrow the focus and avoid running down too many blind alleys.
I have also been advised that sometimes it's best for adoptees to be hands off and let search angels/the search team do their job. This is one reason I didn't jump on anything and start emailing anyone last night. I'm doing nothing without the advisement of those who have gone before me and succeeded, not just once but many times with this.
Overwhelmingly the feeling I had last night and still do today, is the awesomeness of staring at a piece of truth. For 47 years I've held on to God as truth (still do) and He's helped me through the unknown. Aside from knowing what I know of Him I have had little precious else to hold on to. So many secrets and lies accompany adoption.
I love how God works through science! Looking at my DNA results again and again, I am face to face with truth and it feels so good.
I don't know what all of this truth means yet. Looking through the results, many of them are confusing to me and I don't know how to interpret them. I am so thankful for the experts God has placed in my life for such a time as this.
All I know is that even though I can't comprehend it all yet, I have encountered truth, and it feels so good. I now have definitive pieces of who I am, of what makes me up, and no one can take this away from me.