I have friends
who fight human trafficking.
Friends who fight domestic violence.
Friends who fight racism.
Friends who fight world hunger.
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| Photo Credit: Lincoln Blues, Flickr |
Everyone around them seems to think this is great. (Me included!) Nobody seems to
ever ask these friends why they continue to care about these issues, or why they can’t
just be happy.
This happens to
me about adoptee issues, though. A family member recently remarked, "I just wish you could be happy..." Be careful, you might end up in my blog. This might be worse than gastritis, depending on the situation.
Because I am
unhappy about one issue in the world doesn’t mean my entire life is unhappy.
I am unhappy
about an injustice that exists in the world, yes.
I hope to God
everybody gets unhappy enough about injustices in the world to stand strong enough to right them.
I
too am grieved by domestic violence, racism, world
hunger and human trafficking, among other things. Much of the world is clueless about the fact that all too often, infant
adoption is little more than human trafficking -- a market to the highest bidder.
If you want to cut costs on adopting a newborn, you can also adopt them at less cost if the mother smokes. No, I'm not kidding. Attention K-Mart Shoppers... If you don't believe even "Christian" infant adoption can be little more than a meat market, take a look at this.
That I speak out about the need for reform, and support family preservation doesn’t make me unhappy. It means I’m passionate about something I believe in, and something scripture declares God's heart is touched by too.
That I speak out about the need for reform, and support family preservation doesn’t make me unhappy. It means I’m passionate about something I believe in, and something scripture declares God's heart is touched by too.
Anytime the Bible refers to mothers and their children being separated, God sees it as a tragedy. He
repeatedly says He will comfort those who have been relinquished.
(Psalm 68:5, Psalm 27:10, among others.) Why does He say that He will
comfort us if there is nothing to be upset about?
Moses is often featured as a biblical example of adoption but think about the fact that God made sure his original mother nursed him after he was adopted and even arranged for her to care for him in his formative years. Apparently God cares about keeping moms and kids together if at all possible, for as long as possible.
Moses is often featured as a biblical example of adoption but think about the fact that God made sure his original mother nursed him after he was adopted and even arranged for her to care for him in his formative years. Apparently God cares about keeping moms and kids together if at all possible, for as long as possible.
I wonder why the rest of the world doesn't care about this?
I’m driven by desire to help hurting people.
Because I’m
unhappy about something that’s needs to be changed in the world and endeavor to make it right
doesn’t make me an unhappy person.
“But you’re sad
about recent events with your natural mom, and about some things about adoption…” you may say.
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| Photo Credit: Michael Ruiz, Flickr |
Five truths to
understand:
1) Everyone experiences loss at some point, or goes through seasons of sadness. It’s part of the human existence.
2) Adoptees can love their adoptive family or natural family and not love adoption. (Adoption is an industry, not a person.)
3) It's okay to be angry or unhappy about things that are unjust in the world. Jesus got peeved too. I vaguely recall some tables being turned over...
4) The fact that I can be happy in many areas of my life does not mean huge changes don't need to happen in the adoption industry. We need to make things right for the children, and for adult adoptees.
5) Adoptees can be happy in life, yet not be happy about everything about adoption.
Logging you in...
Caroline · 629 weeks ago
lynngrubb 57p · 629 weeks ago
My recent post The Pros and Cons of Relative Adoption
Sunny · 629 weeks ago
I've always thought that people who say these sorts of things are actually *uncomfortable* with our concerns about adoption.
As you've said, others' personal causes don't seem to *worry* them. Maybe what they ought to do is examine their OWN feelings. Is their discomfort with your courage to speak pointing out *their* unhappiness?
Unhappy that you're not *grateful* enough? Unhappy that you're making them have to confront the matter by bringing it up yet again? As Betty Jean Lifton used to say, and I'm paraphrasing here, it's hard to nap when someone is talking outside your window.
Keep talking, Deanna.
Lee H. · 629 weeks ago
So here you have this little baby who symbolizes both pain and joy to someone, everyone who is the "cause" of great pain. We don't see it as children because we can't...so much (it feels like all sometimes) of THEIR happiness depends on us.
Parents are supposed to see their children's needs and tend to them at all cost with little expectation to be validated...but here the tables turn...and the adopted child-turned adult, is faced with an impossible task...pleasing and validating everyone.
Well, friends, it's time to do what is best for me, not at the expense of everyone else but for MY benefit and well-being. How's that for a new way of being!
Deanna, you make me think, and that is one thing I can always control...thank you, thank you.
silenced · 626 weeks ago
Twenty years later, for some reason I can't fathom my bio mother suddenly changed her mind and contacted me. Despite everything I decided I would NOT hold any of it against her and welcomed her with open arms and open heart. I was so thankful to just finally have my mommy back. The day she contacted me, not on purpose but it was like I went back to that abandoned baby. I was overwhelmed with grief that just tore up out of me and with tears running down my face and rocking on the floor I screamed over and over "I WANT MY MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!"
She, on the other hand immediately tore me to shreds. Amongst many other hurtful comments, she said: No wonder everyone leaves you. YOU'RE TOO HARD TO MAKE HAPPY.
I don't know what I ever did to all these people except I guess show up where I wasn't wanted. You're absolutely right Lee.. BOTTOM OF THE TRIANGLE.
reebattis 42p · 629 weeks ago
Deanna - You hit another one out of the park, dear friend. You don't know HOW MUCH I want to share this with my readers....but alas all of my family are also my readers....I just can't face yet another round of ugly push back from all 3 sides of my family....adoptive, birth mom and birth dad...if I were to share this post. They are all unhealed and don't know it (or won't face it) so it's impossible for me to openly walk in what is best for me (yes, I am envious of you, Lee!)
But I thank you so much, Deanna, for validating my feelings and expressing them better than I could ever do. <3
My recent post Tasty Tuesday – Healthy Snack Cake!
@AlexKing3rd · 629 weeks ago
Yes, I'm delighted to raise the child I adopted. She's the light of my life. But the process by which she came into my family was unfair to her, unfair to her first family and unfair to us. Everyone involved was misled.
I'm happy to be a parent and my kid is happy overall. There's no conflict between our being a strong, loving family while shouting from the rooftops that adoption as practiced is full of wrongs.
Andre · 564 weeks ago
I see adopters sing praises for reform, as long as it includes their pain as recognized, their child being theirs, after all they put in the time, the sweat, and have the personal experience with the child, their bond secured, dissruption clearly the factor to be considered.
The funny twist, no going back, just going forward as is, while singing the injustice from the rooftop with full intensity to prove their point they belong too. Hmmm I wanted my child.......foster care and circumstance saw me raise one and loose the older.......what heartache for us all. Even now the adopter sees the pain, but wants recognition.......brainwashed to believe, best interest of a child, is their control their responsibility.......hard to give up the driver's seat, its like an uncharted risk. Better to just sing about the injustice and self praise the wonderful life someone else's child has with me, yes no conflict there. No, not giving up the child though to thier natural parents.....thats not on the table. Waiting for injustice to have a clear ring to it when omission may be apparent.
eagoodlife 52p · 576 weeks ago
andre' · 564 weeks ago