July 19, 2013

Triad Gone Postal!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh go the adoptees.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh go the adoptive parents.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh go the natural parents.

It’s a relentless cacophony of wailing.

Photo Credit: Ryan Vaarsi, Flickr


So sensitive you can barely get a word out without somebody snapping your head off.

They see red when reading a post.  

Many don’t even read it all the way through before rattling off a comment, completely missing the point of what the original post was about! They are oblivious because all they see is what they wanted to see and what they thought they saw. Don’t confuse ‘em with the facts.

Why are the adoptee, adoptive parent and natural parent communities full of such uber sensitive people?

Because there is SO. MUCH. PAIN. IN. ADOPTION.

That’s why the slightest word somebody in the triad doesn’t agree with will send them on a verbal rampage.

“My wounds are greater than yours!” they cry out, jockeying for position in this hyper-sensitized community. It is so tender for a reason.

Photo Credit: Shirley Cai, Flickr
Each one experiences enormous pain.

Many of the adoptive parents have been slayed by infertility. Even after they adopt, the significant loss is still there. The pain of being unable to conceive or bear children is not a tragedy that one forgets, even if adopting.  

The natural mothers grieve the loss they were assured would get better over the years but never did. They are waiting for the “new start” they were promised.  It never came. Year after year they continue to mourn. The pain of separation never goes away in this cauldron of affliction marketed as redemption.

The adoptees are waiting for somebody to ask how we are. Most of the world doesn’t believe nor endeavor to understand that we've experienced significant loss, trauma and grief in our adoptions. “Hello…hello…hello…is anybody listening?” we wonder.  We are, after all...the adopted ones. 

For something that is supposedly so beautiful, people sure are touchy about it!

So much tribulation. 
Surrounded with it on every side in this triad of affliction.
No wonder we are sore. 
Our souls ache.

We hop from blog to blog reading the opposite perspective, leaving what we believe are helpful comments to try to bring understanding but many times it just comes out as waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. And people on one of the other two sides of the triad think, “Oh my. Well, okay then. Seems like you have some anger issues to work out...”  

Speaking of triad, I've received emails and comments before railing out, "Triad! Triad??! What triad? There is no triad!!! That's a myth. Please stop using that word..."

Mail lands in my box or people comment on the blog requesting that I stop using  the words birthmother, triad, relinquishment, abandonment, rejection, and more. 

Stick it in the fog and give it a verbal slicing and dicing and spin doctor it up however you want.

Triad or no triad, birth or original, relinquishment or adoption plan, rejection or some other description for your natural mother saying no to you and unleashing the primal cry within you fresh and new all over again... 

It's pain. P-A-I-N paaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!

Two favorite tactics employed by scores of people, are to throw out the labels “bitter” and “angry” while they sanctimoniously click away to the next blog, thinking they’ve actually done something of value.  They they should have put on their pajamas, grabbed a Corona  and watched an hour of Lizard Lick or Honey Boo Boo. That would have been more beneficial than trotting out the same inconsequential and unhelpful comment repeatedly.

Comments like, "you're just angry," only serve to confirm the pain present in the industry. (Yes, industry. That's a word I refuse to stop using.) These responses substantiate the pain of adoption because it's not just one person who receives these rebuttals, it's countless persons."Anger" is the go-to comment that is code for trying to shut down someone when they express their truth.

I've learned that all it takes to be labeled angry in adoptoworld is to express oneself with just slightly more passion than Tom Brokaw.

Maybe it’s common for those from all three sides to be perceived as angry or at the very least as having issues to work out, because of decades of a social experiment called a God thing, gone terribly awry.

This would make most people easily offended.