Two days ago, Craig* finally found His natural family members. I was so
excited for him. It’s been such a long time coming for my friend. And now, he is officially on
the reunion rollercoaster.
When he posted a
status on Facebook that he had found family members, reactions didn’t surprise
me at all, for I’m used to Adoptoworld by now. As used to one can
get to people who have never experienced something telling other people what to do about it all the time.
In response to his excited announcement about finding his family, one non-adoptee admonished Craig that he "knew who the parents were that raised him, knew
who he was in Christ," and therefore he is “leaps and bounds ahead of most of
people.”
(Hold. Me. Back. Jesus. Yeah...I seriously had
to physically restrain myself. No worries, I was a good little well behaved adoptee.)
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Another commenter mentioned that he would now have the opportunity to lead his family into a relationship with God.
This is
something I hear people say to Christian adoptees all the time. I’m just going to put my thoughts out there on this, in what may be a considered a shocking statement for my Christian friends to
hear. Well, on second thought, probably nothing they hear from me is a surprise since most of them already know I’m the person who says words like orgasm from the pulpit.
There’s a person
in my family who believes the only reason for me to have searched or be in
reunion with my natural family is to lead them to Christ. They believe without trying to lead them to Him, my search and reunion was a moot point that didn't need to happen.
So...I’ve given my
entire life to leading people to faith, and helping them grow.
And, here’s the
truth.
I don’t need a
justification – even that of bringing my family to God, for me to search,
find and have a relationship.
In fact, I
caution any adoptee who thinks they are to reunite for the sole reason of
leading their family to faith, to be very careful with those kind of expectations.
I’ve been in reunion with my natural mother for 20 years plus and we still
don’t share the same spiritual beliefs and values. And it's not for a lack of trying to set a good Christian example on my part. I love her, pray for her,
and certainly I’d love to have the opportunity to lead her into a relationship
with God. But…whether she comes to the same understanding of spiritual matters as me or
not…this is my mother. I accept her whether she ever shares my faith, as much as I'd love for her to.
I don’t need a reason to search and reunite.
Why must I justify pursuing my natural mother and father?
Is my medical information important? Yes.
Is my faith important? Yes.
But no adoptee
should need this or anything else, as a reason.
In spending more
and more time with adoptees, I notice many of them quickly come up with
excuses to give non-adoptees who press them about why they are searching. It’s like they feel they need to present a valid excuse to those who inquire.
“Don’t worry, I don't want to replace my parents, I just want my medical information…”
“I know you
might think it’s strange that I’m searching after all these years, but I really
feel God wants me to lead my family to Him…so that’s why I’m searching…”
Every time I
hear this, I am sad.
Not sad that
someone wants their medical information, or sad that they want to help someone
in finding faith.
I’m sad that they feel pressured to justify pursuing their family.
We shouldn’t
have to give ANY reason for why we want to search, reunite or have an active
relationship with our family.
Why? Because
they are family.
Duh.
*Name changed
Photo Credits: freedigitalphotos.net
Photo Credits: freedigitalphotos.net
