January 6, 2014

Quit, Die or Bounce. What Will You Do?
(Confessions of a Professional Bouncer)

“M” sent me this picture last Thursday with only three words attached:

“Here we go!”

She sent her DNA test off in the mail, and now we wait.

As any of you know who have been through this process before, depending on which one of the three companies you use (Ancestry, 23andMe or FTDNA) they say results come back in 8-10 weeks or so. I got my Ancestry results back in four and lots of my friends did too. But, there are no guarantees.

If you have no idea who “M” is and you want to know, go back and read this post.

Photo Credit: SPDP, Flickr

Welcome to This Month's Adopto-Coaster

The first few days of getting to know M over the phone, I was so excited .

Because I liked her so much. (Still do.)

I want the closure of finally knowing the truth of who my natural father is.

And I'll be over-the-moon if M is officially my family member.

 My excitement became mixed with worry.

What if we're off track? 
What if I'm wrong about everything?
What if we have to start all over again?

And then I had a few days to slow down and process everything.

I stopped.

And realized that even if nothing in this situation works out like my heart longs for it to, I will still be okay. 

Photo Credit: Gabriel Amadeus, Flickr

I’ve often said that once you’re adopted, it’s all uphill from there.

That doesn’t mean that you never have any more problems in life.  I’m just saying that nothing else compares. 

The adoptee journey is inconceivable to  the majority of people in the world. And whatever an adoptee faces in life, they've  already gone through the primal wound that makes other problems seem like kindergarten.

Surviving the separation from my natural mother began a pattern in my life.

Bouncing.  It's what I do.

 I'm so good at being a bouncer by now , maybe a nightclub should hire me instead of a church.

I’ve come through all kinds of crisis over the course of my life -- personal, family, financial, health, ministry, and a lot more. Like a human rubber ball, I just keep bouncing back again and again.

Some survivors bounce and then dribble around a bit until it’s time to bounce again.

Some bounce hard and high and try as best they can to try to make the bounce work in their favor.

I don't believe God wastes anything and I don't want to either.

When facing difficult circumstances, I say:

“I didn’t ask for this.  But it’s what I’ve been given. Stand back, because I’m getting ready to bounce…”

And then I do something like write my story.
Or create my own family. 
Or start a support group.
Or host a conference so people can heal.

Every bounce seems to fortify me for the next one, saying, "If I can make it through this, I can do anything..."

The Three Choices 

And for every adoptee reading this, I want to tell you my friend, you quit, you can die or you can bounce. 

All adoptees choose to do one of those three things. (Even the ones who are in the fog. They don't even realize what they're doing but they make one of those choices, too.)

You're right, it's not fair. 

Fair is where you get cotton candy. 

So when we don't get what's fair we make one of those three choices.

Some quit pressing on. They stop believing.  They lose hope that life can be any more than what it already is for them.   

Others choose to die. The adoptee suicide rate is much higher than the rest of the population. It's fact.

And yet others choose to bounce.  

I choose to bounce.  

A Girl Can Dream...

Of course, I am dreaming that when it comes to M’s DNA test, I don’t have to bounce. 

It's refreshing to just "be" and not have to bounce.

I don't pray for the DNA result itself, because DNA is DNA whether anybody prays about it or not.

DNA is fact.

That's one reason why adoptees love it. It's truth we can actually hang onto in a world where we are told so many lies. 

The first time I looked at my DNA results it was so powerful because I was  looking at truth.

I don't pray that God would make the DNA one way or the other. Because DNA just is whether anybody prays or not.

only pray for my heart to receive whatever the news of the DNA is, with grace. I ask God to help me move forward with strength and resilience. 

Not gonna lie... I dream of a trip to Richmond to meet M and the rest of the family in person if DNA shows we are related.

But if M's not my family member, and none of that happens, I’ll say, “Stand back world…I’m fixin’ to bounce…”