The Arrangements

 “You'll stay with me?'
Until the very end,' said James.”

~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 

Taking the elevator down from the fifth floor hospice was a going-through-the-motions type thing. We walked to the parking deck and got in our cars to go to BlileyFuneral home. 

The five of us arrived -- Tom, my sister, Aunt Jeri, Tom’s daughter Merry, (who was providing care and driving Tom around full time now that his arm was broken) and myself. 

We were warmly welcomed by an administrative assistant and the funeral director on duty. Blileys is a huge funeral home with many funeral directors, one of which is actually in the building around the clock, to assist anyone who needs help. They let us know we could reach out to them anytime, day or night.

After asking what drinks each of us would prefer, we were led into a conference room with a beautiful round table and chairs around it for each of us. We took our seats along with the funeral director and his assistant and began the process of planning.

The Final Moments

 Clean clothes, dirty clothes, I threw them all in my suitcases, quickly repacking to unexpectedly leave the condo we were staying in for General Council in Orlando. Larry got me the next available flight out, which meant we needed to leave immediately for the airport.

Photo Credit: elitatt, Flickr

Meanwhile my sister texted me to say that Tom had gotten off balance and fell and broke his arm. He was in the ER of the same hospital our mother was in.  Shari was just beside herself and said, “I need you! Please, please come quickly!” 

  “I’m coming as fast as I can!” I declared, while throwing my makeup and hair products in the bag, yanking the phone charger out from the wall, zipping the suitcase and saying, "let's go, babe..."

A Letter Received

Dear Deanna,

From the moment you first grasped your desperate need of me as a very young child, I have been there to hold you close through many circumstances.

I have never left you… never abandoned you, not for a second. 

Photo Credit: Bahman Farzad, Flickr

I too have wept as I witnessed things I knew would bring intense pain to your heart. Remember – I weep too! Yet the free will I have given to human beings allowed painful situations to take place in your life. I know you hate the whole free will thing at times, and you have often brought this up to me in your darkest times of frustration. But you also have come to an understanding  that for anyone’s decisions to hold meaning in this life, free will is a necessity.  

Saying Goodbye

I got the news yesterday.

Two months and one day after we got the news she had cancer.
 

Tom called this Tuesday night to tell me the doctors were going to talk to all of us yesterday morning and wanted me to be ready for a call. 

I've been at our Assemblies of God General Council all week in Orlando. Our church staff is staying together at a condo here. I made arrangements to stay back on Wednesday morning for the phone call so I could take it in private away from the crowds. (There are an estimated 20,000 some people or more, here for the bi-annual council.) 

Tom called and I was sitting here on the balcony, listening...

What's Up With Adoptees and Birthdays? (I Asked Them!) Part Two

 “They should tell you when you’re born: have a suitcase heart, be ready to travel.” 

~ Gabrielle Zevin

The only way anyone can understand what life adopted is like is to ask people who actually are adopted.  This week I’ve been asking adoptees how they feel about their birthday, in an effort to shed some light of understanding on this subject with non-adoptees. Many responded  to my question, and if you missed part one, I suggest you go back and check out this post as well, for a fuller understanding.

Photo Credit: Sakura Mutsuki, Flickr

I thought this year might be a difficult birthday because I’d had so much to process the last five months. 


Reflecting on my very first birthday -- I spent it totally alone.
(With the exception of receiving medical care.)


My natural mother just recently told me that at my birth and during her hospital stay, she didn’t want to see me or hold me -- and she didn’t. (That explains a lot.) She did see and hold me later on at the adoption agency, before I was adopted.  But there was no rejoicing in the delivery room.

I wasn’t laid on my mother’s stomach or cradled in her arms after my umbilical cord was cut. There were no family members who came to see me in the hospital. No one sang lullabies to me in the hospital and there were no happy announcements on the day I born.  

Back in the 1960’s women stayed longer in the hospital after birth.  My mother was drugged during my birth and remembers nothing. After I made the transition out of her body, I was abruptly whisked away and placed in the nursery until I was released from the hospital, went to foster care, and was then adopted.


My mother and I were separated the entire hospital stay.

What's Up With Adoptees and Birthdays? I Asked Them!!! (Part One)

Why are birthdays such a triggering event for a many adoptees? There are a plethora of reasons. To share just a few that come to my mind that some non-adoptees may be unaware of…

A lot of mystery surrounds many adoptees' birthdays. Most adoptees do not currently have access to their original birth certificate (OBC) and have  what is known as an amended birth certificate (ABC).  

Much of what is on an ABC are lies. Some ABC’s even state the wrong date as the day the adoptee was born. When the adoption is finalized, some states give the option of changing the birth date and the place of birth!

Why Yesterday's Birthday Was the Best EVER.

 

Photo Credit: Droid Gingerbread, Flickr

Yesterday was my birthday. The first present I got was being a year younger than before!  How, you might ask? Well, I'm so horrible at math I've miscalculated my age for years and have been telling everyone the wrong age! 

I realized I even put the wrong age on my medical forms for probably the last 3 years or so.

 Larry said, "I tried to tell you that you had been adding it up wrong."  

All this time I had thought he was being nice and just trying to console me. But it's true -- I am a bit younger than I thought, but still woefully inept at math.

Birthdays are a serious challenge for a lot of adoptees. Some go into depression. Others refuse to celebrate it at all. Right now I'm praying some people through their birthdays. 

For me, some birthdays have been awesome and others were a challenge. It just depended on what year it was and what the plans were.

Yesterday's birthday was different than any other, EVER in my life.