“None on my maternal side that I know of, no clue on the
paternal side as I’m adopted and don't currently have information about my father's side,” I answered.
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Photo Credit: FeatheredTar, Creative Commons |
Doctors ask even if they’ve seen you before. They don’t have
your entire file memorized with all the paperwork you’ve filled out in the
past.
I’m not judging doctors. It stinks when people try to tell you that you're doing your job all wrong, when they've never done it. I try to refrain from doing this to other people as I know how it feels when it happens to me. My thought is that it is probably in the interest of time management for
them to ask the common questions again rather than
digging through all the papers again. I’d probably just ask again too if I was a doctor.
I face similar questions every year at my yearly physical with my family doctor, then again at my annual visit with my GYN,
then again as I get my yearly mammogram, and yet again at the eye doctor for my yearly check up.
Most of the world never notices things like this because
they’ve always known the answers to these questions, or had the answers readily
available by simply asking.
“Is it really such a big deal to not know?” some
people ask. "Why can't you just be okay not knowing?"
You don’t know what it’s like to not have something until
you’ve been without it. My friend Laura Dennis says it’s like trying to explain
what it’s like to starve to a person who has always had food.
Many people have told me they believe bringing a baby into
the world is the most important thing, and the grown child knowing their basic
information is secondary and shouldn’t be given too much weight in comparison
to simply giving them life.
How easy it is to make such statements without walking in
another’s shoes.
Photo Credit: Deanna Shrodes |
I value the sacredness of life itself. I also know
first-hand the importance of identity and a healthy emotional life. It’s not
simply the bringing of a life into the world we must concern ourselves with but
being in position for health thereafter. While great emphasis is often placed on a "better
life" that people claim comes with adoption, little concern is
given to issues of identity as a part of that life.
Identity is one of the last things people think about in
relation to a person’s health. Assumptions are made that the unknown will simply be accepted.
Christians heavily count on the person “knowing their identity in
Christ.” It’s an important distinction to make that just as redemption and
salvation in a Christian context have nothing to do with adoption, identity in
Christ is also a separate issue. I have known my identity in Christ from the time I was very young. This was well established and truly it is only in
walking closely with God that I am even still here, not to mention successful at anything in life.
Identity in Christ is
a separate issue, not to be mixed with where one comes from in this world.
So many times Christians want easy answers. Grappling with complex issues is not fun, and it's much easier to give a cliche than face challenges. Rather than attempt to understand or help someone, it’s much easier to pat them and say, “just accept who you are in
Christ.” Chances are the person has done that. And, knowing who they are in
Christ has nothing -- absolutely nothing
to do with their desire to know who their earthly father is or if someone in
their family has ever had glaucoma or high blood pressure.
It should be illegal to place a child for adoption or
abandon them outright without disclosing accurate
basic information that includes their parentage on both sides, DNA profile and
history.
We are simply not serving the best interest of the child without it.
We are simply not serving the best interest of the child without it.