Some friends have
been relentlessly encouraging me to be good to myself, so I gave myself permission to put housework aside and
read the book Adopted Reality, by my good friend, Laura Dennis, this past Saturday.
Curling up under my down comforter leaning against a bunch
of pillows, I read it in it’s entirety. Alternating
between laughing and crying, I couldn’t help but come face to face with Laura’s
resilience again and again.
(If you want to put off your chores and do something much
more fun, you too can read the new and
updated 2nd edition of Adopted Reality as it is now available FREE on pre-release at Story Cartel.)
Laura Dennis is a walking miracle.
Seriously.
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| Photo Credit: a_whisper_of_unremitting_demand |
I have gotten to know her at a deep level since we
both serve as Lost Daughters bloggers and more than that have become really
good friends. Not content to contain ourselves to writing, we thank God for majicJack,
which enables us to talk for free anytime from Serbia to Tampa! We’ve been
there for each other through some colossal challenges. I know what she has faced and I’m telling you, the fact
that she has two degrees, AND is
a professionally trained dancer critically acclaimed for her work in the Washington Post, (read about that in the book!), AND became a sales director for a
biotech start up, AND is a wonderful mother, AND has overcome and still
overcomes serious health challenges day to day is nothing short of amazing.
Laura Dennis is the real deal, my friends. A quintessential resilient adoptee, she is all that she presents
herself to be, and more.
Resiliency in adoptees is something we hear about a lot. I
see it firsthand. So many of my adopted peers have amazing survival instinct, and
are super achievers. I stand in awe of the people I rub cyber shoulders
with in the adoptee community every day. Time and again when I reference their
accomplishments, I hear things like, “It’s not my adoption that brought it about. I achieved in spite of, not because of.”
On one hand, some adoptees get justifiably upset about those
who contend that babies are so “resilient” they are not affected by their
relinquishment and adoption. Believing this was of little consequence, our
parents were encouraged to bring us home and raise us as any other child. They
were reassured that out of the ordinary issues wouldn't be a factor. Well, we know how that went.
While I don’t subscribe to the blank slate or
babies-are-unaffected-because-they-are-resilient theory, I do believe many
adoptees have special resilience. Just not the kind many of the "experts" of yesteryear
thought.
While I don’t believe we had the resiliency so as to not be
affected, I do believe a great majority of us developed the resiliency to
survive and thrive.
To survive, we have to be resilient. Some of our fellow
adoptees weren't resilient, and they aren’t here anymore. They chose to leave, before their time.
To thrive, we have to be super resilient. We choose to not
just stay here, but to rise above.
Rising above doesn’t mean to turn a blind eye.
Rising above is looking the truth in the eye.
It takes courage to do that.
Rising above is taking an honest look at things and then
choosing to put ourselves in position to thrive.
When we began, our position was entirely dictated by others
but now we have the choice to place ourselves where we want to be.
For me part of resilience is being determined to choose the
place I live from rather than letting someone else choose it for me. This and
many other things factor into resilience.
As an adoptee, what does resilience mean to you?
