October 4, 2013

Tragic News For My Critics: My Therapist Said Goodbye.

Goodbyes are hard for me as an adoptee.

I was afraid of this day coming.

Photo Credit: Eje Gustaffson, Flickr

I love going to therapy more than teenage boys love Axe. 

Being in therapy hasn’t only helped my adoption related issues -- it has touched every area of my life. I had considered keeping a monthly session scheduled with Melissa simply to help me in dealing with ministry related issues. 

 I believe therapy should be something we all do, like wearing deodorant.

One day recently Melissa delivered the news: “Deanna, it’s time for us to work toward closure with your therapy.”


I almost fell off the couch.

I have developed a bond, a professional one, of trust with Melissa -- and didn’t want to let go.

Second, I thought to myself, “I can’t leave therapy!  I don’t have it all together.”

I’ve come to realize one of the keys to really having it all together is realizing you don’t have it all together.

So, in one of our last sessions, Melissa said, “Deanna, I so enjoy you. She thinks I’m hilarious for some reason.  If it were up to me, I’d keep you as a client forever, but it wouldn’t be best for you. As your therapist I must consider your best interest. You’ve come to such a healthy place. I'm so proud of you for digging in and doing whatever had to be done to move forward. At this point, I am so pleased with your progress, it would be foolish to continue to schedule sessions and take your money when it’s simply not necessary.”


It's not that I don't want to be well.
Wholeness is amazing.
I just didn't want to leave the comfort of our sessions.
So, I didn’t stop scheduling with her right after she said that.

I just wasn’t ready.

Time to adjust was important. I had to get used to the idea that we weren't going to meet anymore.

First, she allowed me to transition gradually rather than abruptly. And, she reassured me, it wasn’t goodbye forever.

She’ll always be my therapist.

If I need her, she’s always there. 
I know how to reach her if I need her.

She says, “You are ready, Deanna…You are incredibly strong. You are not the same person who walked into my office eight months ago. And,  I have full confidence in you.”

Melissa is fully aware of my work here and in blogging adoption elsewhere. I realized how much she believed in me as a person and in what I do when she asked if she could publish some of my writing about adoption on her counseling website. That was my first indication she really didn’t think I was crazy and just neglected to tell me.

So, to some critical commenters who say:   

“Deanna, it’s evident you speak from an unhealed heart…”

“Deanna, I’m so sorry you are filled with bitterness and anger and this is why you have this perspective…”

“Deanna, it’s clear you are projecting your unresolved issues onto others when you write about adoption…” 


I kind of wish those who say this kind of stuff weren’t wrong.
If they were right, I could still be on my therapist’s comfy couch.

Having significant unresolved issues and hurts would get my therapy sessions back, but she says I’m just too darn healed to be there.

Sorry folks.

I know that’s realllllly bad news for those of you who have attempted to diagnose me. This is tragic for you who desperately want to label me unhealed,  so you can dismiss my thoughts that are so threatening to you.


I don’t write what I write here because I’m unhealed. 
Or bitter. 
Or angry. 
Or projecting my issues. 
Or a mental case. 

I write what I write because it’s the truth.