I found my father!!!

 

I found my father! Yes! It’s true!

After searching for him for most of my life, and especially the last ten years, I found my father through a DNA match! It's OFFICIAL, there is NO DOUBT!

Imagine my surprise that my father, Gus, is ALIVE, and 92 years old, and still living in the place that he and my mother met!

Adoptees Who Search: There's Always Something Left to Do!

 

When I was searching for my maternal family, I went by the saying, “There’s always something left to do!” Every time I thought I had exhausted all avenues and there was literally nothing left to do, I was wrong. There was always another stone left unturned and if I thought long and hard enough, I would discover it. I’ve taken to using this as my motto for the paternal search as well.  For any adoptee who is searching and feeling like you've come to the end -- you haven't. I promise. 

Keep going!

With my maternal search, "something left to do" was limited to the search itself. With my paternal search, DNA testing has changed things.

Why I Struggle With This Time of Year More Than Any Other as An Adoptee (And Who God Sent to Help Me With That!)

Last week I received a Facebook friend request from a lady named Linda. I was so excited. She is Kenny’s wife!  (If you have no idea who Kenny is, you need to read my last post.) Kenny is not connected on social media, but Linda is. And she’s just the sweetest. Here is part of her first communication to me on a Facebook message:

Hey Deanna! It’s wonderful to hear from you. Kenny and I feel like you've become family.  Kenny has been checking with people in the family and people that might have graduated with your Momma. We haven't heard anything that would help you yet.  But as you know, God is great every day! I am praying for you that God will lead you to some answers and peace of mind in knowing about your Daddy and other family. That would be a blessing for you. I hope Kenny and I can meet you one day. I hope you and your family have a very blessed Christmas. 

This is the first of many messages with Linda and I am beyond grateful for this couple. For all the frustration I have in dealing with a few  idiots people with my search, I am reminded through people like Kenny and Linda that there are people who are willing to help a person who was once a stranger. 

 

Adopted and Searching: Today I'm Venting

I’ve got to get this off my chest, so here goes.

Usually I do not use this blog to vent, but to share my journey, educate, and open people’s minds to another way of understanding life adopted. But today, I'm ready to rant.

So this week I met a man. His name is Kenny. He’s the nicest man in the world. I’ll take it further – he’s not just nice, he’s amazing. When I take my next trip to Virginia, I’ll be stopping off to have coffee with Kenny, for sure.

It’s amazing how in just a week’s time you can connect on a deep level with someone. I'm part of a Facebook group that is made up of people from my natural mother's hometown. I joined in hopes that someone there would know something and help me. These people have been so kind and generous to me, trying to do anything it takes to help me with my search. It was recommended by some of them that I talk to Kenny. His family lived only a few doors down from my natural mom's family and they are very well known in town. Not only that but his 94 year old mom is still alive and has a mind as sharp as a tack.  

The Disappointment of a Lack of Close DNA Matches

I used to see this in my inbox and get terribly excited. My heart would race and my fingers couldn’t log in fast enough.

 

Now I see this notification and sometimes I don’t even log in right away.

Everyone says, “Don’t stop believing…”

 

Honestly some days I do, and some days I don’t.

 

My faith is high for other people, and other things, but when it comes to having faith for myself, it’s often low. Maybe it’s that adoptee curse of always feeling like you will be the one who is different.  

 

I logged in yesterday to see my matches and none of them even made the front page. They weren't close enough....like 5th-8th cousins.

Unless my father lives to be an extremely old man of Biblical proportions, time is running out.

I continue to hold on to all of my many blessings in life, and accept the fact that this may not be one of them.

I Can't Help But Wonder Why

I said I was going to blog every day during NAAM, and although it was my goal, I’ve failed to meet it.  My son gets married tomorrow and I’ve been in a master’s class all week that has taken me on a journey to deep levels thinking about the past, present and future. I feel like I’ve been wrung out, but that’s not a bad thing. It's kind of like when you exercise and are all sweaty afterwards. You're a mess, but it was needed.

So what I want to say today is, I have more questions than answers. It’s funny how life is that way. I woke up this morning doing what I normally do…praying while I lay there with my eyes closed for a while before I actually get up. Usually my prayers center around whatever is rolling around in my head.

This morning the first thought in my mind as I awoke was, “Why are people born into such pain? Why are they born straight into rejection, abandonment, hunger, thirst and poverty? Why is there so much suffering in the world?” I am weeks away from a masters in ministerial leadership and it won’t be too terribly long before I have a doctorate. I should know the answers to these questions by now. I’m 52. And I’ve been a student for a long time in the school of life. But at this point I have more questions than I do answers. The more I learn the more I realize I have yet to learn. I know that God is with us through all of what goes on in the world. I just don’t know WHY.  Some people say, “You’re not supposed to know why!” But why gnaws at me. Not only about myself but about the whole human race.

This past week for my masters class we had to write a paper chronicling our spiritual journey before we arrived at our live session. The professor said she was overwhelmed reading our stories, of where we have come from and the things we, the students, have walked through. Then she proceeded to tell us her story. She asked us to brace ourselves because it would be difficult to hear what followed. It was a story of her abduction and assault, and nearly dying because of what she faced at the hands of her captor. And then, the story of her healing journey and triumph over what almost destroyed her.  I sat there in my seat with my hand covering my mouth, trying to process the horror of what she went through. 

I know who to turn to in pain, many times I just don’t understand the reason for the pain in the first place. Some say you should never ask why, but I believe there has to be a meaning.

Lately the Lord has been giving me a few (just a glimpse) of some answers as to the why of my story. I look at the chain of events and realize, had I not been in certain places, I wouldn’t have experienced various things that are key to who I have become. However, I still don’t have the answer to world hunger, or many things about my own life.

I wonder if years from now, I might know my natural father or his family (who are also my family) and show them pictures of our son’s wedding that is happening tomorrow. I wonder why I didn’t find my Greek family in time. These are just the things I think of at times, the things that keep me up at night, or are floating through my mind as the sun comes up. 

  

It's Not The End, My Friend!

 

I recently heard it said: "You'll be surprised how far you can go from the point where you thought it was the end.” 

I believe this with all my heart! So many times I’ve thought it was the end with my search, but it’s never the end until the breakthrough comes. One of the best pieces of advice I was given with my first search was, “There’s always something else to do.” And it’s true! 

You never run out of steps to take in a search. I’ve found most times when a person says there is nothing more to do, they have just run out of steps they don’t mind taking. For instance, one step I hesitated to take was going public on some social media pages to ask the public to help with my search. I held back on that for as long as possible but finally came to a point where it was “the next thing.” If you are stuck in your search, what are you hesitating on doing?  

Recently I was involved in an adoptee search. I rarely to almost never have time for that anymore with my schedule the way it is, but this was an exception. It’s so exhilarating to complete a search. There’s nothing like it! I remember when I completed my maternal search. I literally didn’t sleep for days afterward, I was so enraptured.

Every time I have occasion to be part of someone’s search, even if it’s just that I’ve “shared” their post on Facebook, or I have prayed for them -- I remind myself of what happened to Job.

In Job 42:10 it says, “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.” 

I continue to hope that as I help others, my prayers will also one day be answered with my paternal search.   

Never doubt what a girl who prays and helps others can accomplish. 

Don't give up, my friend.