An Interview With Actor, Writer, Filmmaker & Transracial Adoptee, Lucy Sheen

Today I’m interviewing my new friend, Lucy Sheen.  I met Lucy because we’re both contributing authors to the book Adoption Therapy (recently released by Entourage Publishing) and another upcoming book release -- an adoption anthology entitled, Adoptee Survival Guide.  I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know her. I want you all to meet her too if you haven’t already. So without further adieu, I give you, the incomparable Lucy Sheen!

Deanna: Lucy, I am so very blessed to be connected with you, as authors in both recent anthologies, to be friends and to interview you here on the blog.

Lucy: Thank you, for asking me Deanna, it's a pleasure to be here.

Deanna: First will you share with everyone a bit of your background as an adoptee…what country are you originally from and how did you come to be adopted?

Lucy: I am one of one-hundred and six Hong Kong foundlings who were transracially adopted by English families back in the late 50s to early 60s. We were the first organised group of children ever to be transracially adopted by white families in the UK.

The initiative was called the Hong Kong project. Originally it had been hoped that the foundlings would have been found homes with Asian American families - many of the Asian American families were only interested in adopting boys. We were all, with the exception I believe of a couple of babies, girls. So as Hong Kong was a Crown Colony of Britain the Governor of Hong Kong turned to the UK.

Like many, I was abandoned on the streets of Hong Kong. It was called, “being abandoned in order to be found.” And yes I was found and taken to the Fanling Babies home in KowLoon. My exact date of birth and age were unknown. I was very ill when I was found and probably pre-term approximately three days old, maybe less. I was flown over in 1963 at the age of 11 months.  My adoptive parents picked me up from London Airport (now more commonly known as Heathrow).

Deanna: Wow, what a journey. So, with all of that, what have your greatest challenges been, in being an adoptee?

Lucy: My greatest challenge has been my identity. Let me qualify this… I am perfectly happy with who and what I am (or am not). It is society in the UK, and yes, around the world, that has problems. I have (and continue to) experience prejudice and racism from people who think that East Asians should look and behave in a stereotypical manner. I have even experienced "internal" racism from members of my own ethnic and racial group. Because I don't speak Chinese, I am not considered to be a real Chinese person. Too English to be Chinese and too Chinese to English. In the UK in spite of the multicultural and poly ethnic nature of British society East Asians such as myself suffer from prejudice, racism and inequality that no other ethnic minority experiences in the UK. East Asians are a minority even within the minorities. There is a racial pecking order in the UK, which as an East Asian means I find myself continuously at the bottom of the pile. Add that to the fact that I am a transracial adoptee, which further singles me out for bias and prejudicial treatment, usually subconscious, structural and institutional.

Deanna: That is rather overwhelming to think about, yet alone live it as you have, and are. I know there are probably a zillion things you’d like to see changed, but what would you most like to see changed, about adoption?

Lucy: That the root causes for adoption and especially transracial adoption would not exist. However we as a species are incredibly destructive and divisive. Sadly, there will I think for the time being, always be the need to find orphans, foundlings and children who have had to be removed from harm new environments in which to grow up in. I only wish that the need to "export" children from their country of birth was not happening as often as it does. The West and those countries with more wealth could help to reduce this by giving assistance, knowledge and the where with all to help countries build and construct better strategies and solutions to look after their own children. We will see.

Deanna: I so agree with you on that and see the need for what you are saying. So, what are you involved in now? What is your life’s work?

Lucy: Oh dear… where do I start? LOL. I'm finishing the eight draft of an anthology of my own poetry.  I've already been published as a contributor in The Dance is New which is an anthology of new British poets (available from Amazon). I'm putting the finishing touches to a stage play, Conversations With my Unknown Mother, a play about the adoption triad, the nature of family and the relationship between mothers and daughters. Once that is done then the real work starts applying for arts funding and trying to get a venue on board. There is a huge amount of goodwill from within the artistic company especially from my fellow East Asian artists but beyond that it's tough and it's all about funding. So, if there is anyone out there who wants to invest in new writer (i.e. me) please reach out and talk to me.

I've just won a bursary as a writer for an initiate called Re:Play, which is to write and then showcase a solo theatre piece. This will be the second solo theatre show that I have written. The first:  There Are Two Perfectly Good Me's: One dead, The Other Unborn, which took the experience of what it was like to grow up as a transracial adoptee in pre-multicultural 60s UK. The commissioned piece for Re:Play takes peek into the mind of a transracial adoptee whose mind can only cope with the stress and strain of life by splitting itself into two. I want to explore and expose what it is like to be a person of colour, to have mental health issues and to be and adoptee.

I'm also in post production for my independent documentary Abandoned Adopted Here. Fingers crossed  that it will premier at the Chinese Visual Festival in 2015.

I'm also very happy and proud to have been one of the contributing authors to Dear Wonderful You: Letters to Adopted and FosteredYouth --  a book which has been a big hit. I urge you all to buy a copy. It is an amazing anthology from the wonderful people of the AN-YA project and I hope that I get another chance to work with them.

Adoption Therapy is another book to which I am a contributing author.

Adoptee Survival Guide is yet another book that I'm a contributor to that will hopefully will be out later this year.

Deanna: All great resources! What is your greatest passion regarding adoption?

Lucy: As an adoptee I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now if I hadn't been adopted. However having been adopted I've had to contend not only with the loss of everything that makes a person unique and gives them their identity because all that was taken away from me - but it's also made me who I am. It has given me the unique point of view that I have, and it informs and drives the work that I do as a writer, actor and filmmaker.

I want to be able to reach as many people as I can in the UK and indeed beyond to inform them that the reality of adoption is not all happily ever after any more than it is returning adoptees when things don't work out. Adoption is a complex intervention that has consequences that go far beyond the initial adoption. But I'd also like to be able to stay to other adoptees like me that whatever the challenges you can come through you can find balance and peace.

Deanna: Yes. I  say, “Amen!” I am thankful for your insight today and it has been such a joy to introduce you to AR readers. We look forward to hearing much more from you. I so appreciate your insight. Much love to you.

Should We WAIT To Tell People We're Adopted? (The Case for Starting at the Beginning)

Before you think I’ve lost my ever livin’ mind, let me explain.

I’ve spent the last fifteen days in Africa, sharing my story, everywhere.  Thousands of people – women, men and children – have sat with rapt attention and heard where I’ve come from, where I’m going, and what God has done in my life.

When I begin sharing my story I usually say that my mother was pregnant with me in the 1960’s. As  a result of the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy and my birth, my mother became homeless and jobless.  She had to go far away to have me in secret. Then I was separated from her, my sister and brother… for the next 27 years.

As I share this, it never fails…

People start crying.

Some bury their faces in their hands or Kleenex and weep.

They shake their heads in disbelief.

From major cities in  the USA to remote African villages, they sit in shock, and they cry.

Eventually I get to the part in the story where I am adopted. 

I also share about the breakdown of my adoptive family.

There is more weeping. 

The audience is typically spellbound as I share my story, and not a pin drop can be heard except some people sniffling or blowing their nose. 

Do I want them to feel the loss just to feel it, or weep for weeping’s sake? No, there’s a reason I share, and it’s not just to affect people whereby they weep. People immediately identify with loss, pain and grief. After I share my story and how God has helped me to not only survive but thrive, many people respond. They want to survive and thrive too, despite all the obstacles in their lives.

They come forward for prayer for the dysfunction in their family, serious illnesses, death of someone close to them, among many other things. God never fails to meet us at the altars.

But…there’s a very different reaction if I simply begin my talk or my sermon by saying, “Good evening everyone. I’m Deanna, and I’m adopted.”

When I do that, the entire place typically erupts with thunderous applause.

“Adoption” is a trigger word to most of the world, and not in the way that it is to millions of us adoptees.

Adoption is a code to 99% of the world. 

To them it means: panacea.

And if you START with the word adoption, you will never get most people to understand the loss that is behind your adoption.

They are too busy celebrating to realize the loss you had to incur in order to be adopted. 

So I’ve stopped introducing myself whether one-on-one or before an audience by starting with the adoption. I start with loss, separation, pain, grief…and then they begin to understand.

Some of them still clap when I get to the point in my story where I say, "And then...I was adopted." But it's a much smaller amount of the crowd, and sometimes it's a slow, tentative clap. Most of the time, they are still sitting there in shock over the loss that I just shared with them, prior. 

So the thought I had this week after sharing my story again and again the past fifteen days and seeing this reaction is this...

Let's not start our stories with adoption.

Because our lives didn't start with adoption.

We are adopted.

But all of us who are adopted have a story way before that.

Even those who were relinquished at birth spent nine whole months with their mother.  

One day we might be able to start with the word “adoption” and have the world understand what adoption cost us personally, before they start clapping. But for now, we might want to change our strategy from beginning the conversation with our adoption and start with our relinquishment. Because that’s exactly how it happened. 

Different is No Cause for Dismissal of a Person or Story

There are times I meet an adoptee whether in person or online and they say, “Oh my gosh, it’s like we are living parallel lives! My head might fall off from nodding so much while I read your story…”

Then, there are those who say, “My situation is nothing like yours. At all." 

And isn’t that entirely NORMAL?

When did not living as a cookie cutter become a crime?

Why are some intent on dismissing a person or story because it's not anything similar to their own?

We meet people whose journey is so much like ours, it’s uncanny.

We also meet those with whom we have little in common.

Two adoptees raised in the same house have two different stories. 

That doesn’t mean there’s a problem with my story.

Or yours.
 Or theirs.

It simply means we’re different.

Different is no cause for dismissal.

It’s just…different.

Different is good.

When Adoptive Parents or Authority Figures Tell A Child's Story

 When it comes to telling their child's story, many adoptive parents start with "Our arms were empty...we struggled with infertility, and so..."

Or they say,"We never struggled with infertility. We just love adoption and had it in our hearts to be a blessing to a child...and that's how the story began..."

The adoptive parent's personal story may start that way. 

But their child's story doesn't start with them.

The adopted child's story always starts with another mother and father besides his or her adoptive parents, and a whole different maternal and paternal extended family.

The beginning part of a child's story should never be erased, in order to make others comfortable.

And, the child's story is not for an adoptive parent, or any other adult, to tell.

A child is the owner of his or her personal story.

When it comes to an adoptive parent or other authority figure (social worker, pastor, Sunday School teacher, friend of family, etc.) the child is rendered powerless to tell them to stop telling their story. Or, to stop telling it their way.

So,  most times the adoptee smiles and nods, or they are quiet.
Or they meekly stuff it down and go on.

When People Dismiss Your Story

Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners are a painful  memory for a dear friend of mine, who happens to be a woman in ministry.

My friend comes from a very large, religious family. Every holiday the parents and grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins would gather for the family dinner. Following  the meal, all of the women in the family would retreat to the kitchen where they would spend time putting the leftovers away in Tupperware containers.  

Photo Credit: vxla, Flickr

Organizing into an assembly line of sorts they would proceed to wash and dry all of the china and put it back in the cabinet. With the dishes back in order, they would gather up all the linens to launder them and begin to put the dining room back in order. This would take quite a while with such a large family and all that went into the elaborate dinners.

While all the ladies in the family were busy as bees accomplishing these tasks after the meal, my friend was in another area of the house...

with her grandfather…

who was raping her.

Adult Adoptee Abuse... What Is It and How Should We Respond?

Let’s say a person has encountered a trauma in life. 
Pick a trauma, any trauma. 

After their experience, they attempt to share.

Processing their feelings is important.

They long to talk about it. 
Even though they are scared.

Helping others, even sparing them of the same pain is a goal.

Speaking about it publicly takes courage. 

They may lose more than they’ve already lost.

The hurt may be greater for a while.
Yet they take a brave step and lend their voice.

Many don't believe their trauma is real. 

Instead of  listening and making an effort to understand, people who have not been through this experience (or even some who have been through the same experience, but appear unaffected)  swiftly move in to ask them to be quiet. 

Photo Credit: S.Mash, Creative Commons

What Does Adoptee Resilience Mean?

Some friends have been relentlessly encouraging me to be good to myself,  so I gave myself permission to put housework aside and  read the book Adopted Reality, by my good friend, Laura Dennis, this past Saturday.   

Curling up under my down comforter leaning against a bunch of pillows, I read it in it’s entirety. Alternating between laughing and crying, I couldn’t help but come face to face with Laura’s resilience again and again.

(If you want to put off your chores and do something much more fun, you too can read the  new and updated 2nd edition of Adopted Reality as it is now available FREE on pre-release at Story Cartel.) 

How The Church Hurt Me An Adoptee Speaks Out (Part 3)

What happens when adoptees share their story at church? The result can bring healing, or harm.

Today's story comes from my friend and fellow Lost Daughters blogger, Samantha. Her story breaks my heart, but also makes me glad I'm a pastor. I want to do absolutely everything in my power to make sure that this NEVER happens at our church. And I want to do everything I can to increase awareness in my sphere of influence with other pastors and leaders.  I am passionate about bringing change regarding this issue, if you can't already tell!  

You can read more of Samantha's writings at her adoption blog, Neither Here Nor There.

As with Part One and Part Two of this series, I will let the story speak for itself and not comment further on the actual post. I look forward to joining readers in the comment section.

Samantha shares:

I am an adoptee in reunion, and love both my families, yet I still have healing to do. I recently joined a women's group at church that is going through the 12 steps of spiritual recovery. I have joined this group in hopes of moving further along on my journey. 

How the Church Hurt Me An Adoptee Speaks Out (Part Two)

This post is part two in an ongoing series here at Adoptee Restoration. If you missed the first post, go here and check it out. 

I don't know when I'm going to end this series. The sad thing is, it could go on forever and there would be no shortage of people's stories to tell.  

Today's story comes from my friend and fellow Lost Daughters sister, Julie. She is an adult adoptee who was born, adopted and raised in a closed-record state in the northeast United States. She has been in reunion with her paternal and maternal natural families since 1998. In addition to serving on the boards of two adoptee rights organizations, she is a published journalist and an award winning copywriter. She blogs regularly here as well as serving as co-editor and a columnist at Lost Daughters. 

As I did previously with Jenn's story, I will give no further remarks at the end of Julie's story here on the post. I encourage you to read and give your thoughts in the comment thread.

Julie’s story

My original parents were high school sweethearts, attending a religious school. My natural mother was raised in a very strict religious home. When they conceived me during their freshman year of college at a religious university, they decided to get married. My paternal grandparents offered their home and full support in raising me. My maternal grandparents did not approve of my father and immediately consulted the pastor.

How The Church Hurt Me... An Adoptee Speaks Out (Part One)

Since I've been an active part of the adoption community, I've heard countless stories from my adoptee friends about how they've been hurt by the church, and why many of them want nothing to do with it. It breaks my heart. There are nights I read their stories with tears streaming down my face.  


Hearing their stories is part of what compelled me to start this blog. There are so many to share, it will take more than a post. Therefore, this is part one of an ongoing series.

Am I sharing these posts with the goal of bashing the church? No. Please understand, I love the church. Not to mention my full time vocation is serving in the church. However, God hates injustice and we should too.  Those of us who are aware must speak up so that change can come. For those of you who think this type of behavior only existed in past, think again.  

Many of my adoptee friends have never openly shared their stories of how the church has affected their lives. They have only told other adoptees. Now they have bravely agreed to open up in this forum, because I have asked them to.

When Adoptees Face Push Back

You've faced it before.

Sharing your truth with a stranger, colleague, friend or family member...there it is.

Push back.

push·back

[poosh-bak]  

noun

1.

a mechanism that forces an object backward.

2.

opposition or resistance to a plan.

3.

the forcing of an enemy to withdraw.

They are dismissive of your feelings, and your story.

They try to tell you how an adoptee should feel or what they should believe,  even though you have been adopted all your life, and they are not.

Their Greatest Fear: Adoptees Grow Up And Think (And Speak) For Ourselves

One thing many of the people who collaborated on our adoptions never considered was that one day we'd all grow up and have a mind of our own. Whodathunkit? People with brains...

And some of us...would be brave. 

Freaking brave.

We would go on to actually find our voice.
We would take courage and speak. 
We would change the world as we know it.

I recently became acquainted with a first mother/birth mother named Lisa who writes at Living Through Today. She left a comment on my blog and I then started reading hers. Her journey will turn your heart inside out, unless you don't have one. I read this post and needed a box of Kleenex.

Lisa & Brit, Photo Credit: Living Through Today

 

Lisa was led to believe that her daughter Brit's adoption would be a completely open one, with a mutual exchange of information and visits. But shortly after the adoption was finalized, everything changed.  Not only that, but as soon as they adopted Brit, they immediately underwent fertility treatments and got pregnant with twins. Once the twins were born they immediately became pregnant with another child. When it is all said and done Brit's adoptive parents will have four children under the age of three. The family structure and open adoption arrangement in the way it was originally communicated are all completely different from what Lisa was promised when she was encouraged to sign the adoption papers. My heart breaks for Lisa and Brit. And although I have so many thoughts about this situation, the one I have most is this:
 
Brit will not always be a baby. 
She is going to grow up.
She is going to have a mind of her own.
She is going to exercise it.
And it's going to scare the living heck out of those who tried so hard to control everything.

Why Many Adoptees Kiss God & the Church Goodbye (And Why I Didn't)

Some adoptees turn to God.

It seems many more turn away from God.

I get why.

I have served as a pastor for 25 years. And yet, even as a vocational minister, I understand the rationale that brings many adoptees to the place where they want nothing to do with God. Between questioning what kind of "God" could possibly plan or allow their relinquishment and adoption, to the cruel responses they get from Christians concerning their feelings about adoption or their search for their original family, their exodus from God and the church is not a mystery.

It is common for adoptees to receive messages from religious people throughout our lives:

"God planned you, as a gift to your adoptive parents."

"You are a special child...chosen by God to be adopted."

"Your adoption was ordained by God..."

"God knew all this and had a plan worked out for you to be with your adoptive parents..."

When adoptees struggle with post adoption issues and try to come to grips with the significant losses that have occurred in our lives, who do we blame? Of course it's only natural to pin the blame on God, since after all, everyone's been pointing to him as the mastermind of our adoptions for as long as we can remember.

One Way Adoptees Can Respond to Challenging People

My last post  was about people who feel threatened and respond to our personal narrative or sharing our view about being an adoptee with, "Wow, that was really hard to hear..."


I'm not referring to compassionate people who appreciate what we have to say and tell us something was hard to hear because they feel sympathetic. I'm talking about those who want us to stop.  Basically their, "wow, that was hard to hear," means, "Your story or your perspective about adoption makes me uncomfortable and I really wish you wouldn't share it."