November 7, 2018

Don't Waste Your Pain

“More than happiness or joy or lower blood pressure, the practice of God’s presence gives us meaning. Through this practice we become more closely aligned with Jesus and we learn His desire for us more completely. Life can be hard. The Practice of The Presence of God makes it easier. As Brother Lawrence said, “There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful than that of a continual conversation with God.”
― David Paul Kirkpatrick, Breakfast in the Temple

Yesterday I sat in class and the professor asked about how we experience prayer as far as it being a constant in our lives. After the question was asked, I zoned out thinking to myself about it and didn’t answer out loud. I stared out at the water and thought about it for a while.

I can’t really explain how or why but for me a continual conversation has gone on between God and me as long as I can remember.  It's like breathing to me. From day one of my recollection we have talked. All day long. I don't say that to sound spiritual. There's plenty of spiritual things I struggle with. Take fasting for instance.

When people ask how I get through things, adoption-related or not, that’s really it. It's the presence of God.  Life is hard. There is no one else – no other human being, with me 24/7. Only God. He is the person I not only bounce everything off of, but look to for meaning and answers. Many times my daily conversation with Him goes something like this…

Me: WHAT THE HECK???????????!!!!!


A lot of times He has quietly waited until I’m ready to hear something.
Every day for me is an exercise in trying to find meaning in the painful places, and a way to use my story to in some way help others.

Yesterday as I was staring out the windows at the beautiful waters of Cedar Key, my professor, Dr. Chris Corbett said the following: 

“Many times we have a deep-seated belief that our relationship with God is just about God and us. But it’s always for the sake of others.” 

I believe that.

There is no speck of this story that will be wasted.