3 Things SOME Adoptive Parents Do That Drive Me Crazy!

Photo Credit: Jacob Schere,Flickr

There are a lot of things I do that drive people crazy. More than one post could be written about that. 

As a rule, I'm not into judging. So why am I zeroing in on adoptive parents (AP's) today when I have so many issues myself? Because a lot of adoptive parents have been writing to me, especially since I published my story. And they want to know...what do they need to do? How do they need to change?

"How do we avoid this kind of pain, Deanna?" and "What can we do to make sure our kids don't go through this?" they ask.

Post-Story Q & A with Deanna

The following are some questions I've been asked by readers in response to the story.  I thought I'd share them with everyone, in case you've wondered too...

Photo Credit: takomabiblot, Flickr

 Can I meet Tom?

No. I have promised Judy that her identity will remain private in my writings. Thus, I have changed Tom's name as well. I would love for the entire world to know Tom and can understand why you'd want to. Everyone loves Tom. He's amazzzzzing. Due to respecting my mother's privacy, I cannot do an open interview with Tom or introduce him in any way that would reveal his identity here.

Emotional Vs. Physical Pain (And What I'm Discovering in the Storm)

Yesterday was a hard day.
Hard is not an appropriate word.
But appropriate words don't come easy right now.

I'm a wordsmith. Words are my deal.
And yet, accurate adjectives escape me.

Photo Credit: Permanently Scatterbrained, Flickr

I woke up to some adoption drama. Yes, that occurs even this far into an adoptee's journey. We will always be adopted no matter how old we get. (When they say, "Adoption is forever..." it really is!)   And our families (birth and adoptive) react in different ways to us, particularly in the storms of life. And they always will do this. It's not always a conscious thing on their parts that they do it. It's not always malicious or intentional, it's just reality. It comes with the territory of being a family "touched" by adoption as some call it, and I have come to accept this aspect and be at peace with it. I will always be different in this regard than my non-adoptee counterparts.  

Assumptions About Unwed Pregnant Girls

People sometimes try to debate me on adoption issues, emphasis on the word try and say things like:

Photo Credit: genue.luben, Flickr

It's so much better for unwed girls/women to relinquish their babies instead of keeping and raising them, because if the child is not adopted they:

[pick one]

• May be neglected
• May be abused
• May be mistreated/abused/killed by the mother's boyfriend

Just Another Day In the Life Of a Resilient Adoptee

Welcome to another Adoptee Restoration post where Deanna emotionally bleeds all over the computer welcomes you into the journey of living life as an adult adoptee in search and reunion.

Adoption is a complex world, made even more so by the use of amazing technology like DNA testing.

If you aren't living in adoptoworld you probably won't get this post. Those who do live in this parallel universe, be encouraged. You don't need another glass of wine or bowl of Chunky Monkey to survive. You aren't crazy. You're just adopted.

Ask A Therapist: What Are The Greatest Struggles of Adoptees?

Therapists hanging out and commenting at Adoptee Restoration was something I didn't envision when I started, but it's happened quite a bit, to my delight.

Karen Caffrey, LPC, JD is a therapist I've been privileged to meet here on the blog. She gives valuable feedback on the AR Facebook page and I've come to appreciate her contributions and expertise and am interviewing her today. She specializes in working with adoptees and has an enormous amount of insight to share since she has provided therapy for so many.  She will be available in the comments for anyone who would like to ask her a follow up question. 

Deanna: Karen, it's such a privilege to have you share at Adoptee Restoration today. I love that you specialize in helping adoptees. As you know, there is such a need!  I'd like to start off by asking you...what is the greatest struggle expressed by the adoptees you have
provided therapy for? 

I Stared At Truth Today. First Round of DNA Results Are In!

Putting dishes away and blowing out the last of the candles after a leaders meeting in our home last night, I went to the computer to check on a few things before bed. I had not received an email about my first round of DNA tests being in, but thought, "I'll check anyway just in case they are in but the notification hasn't been sent." Logging in, I was surprised to see my results come up. I double checked, thinking, "Am I looking at someone else's sample results?" No, these were definitely mine.

My eyes raced back, and forth. Seven percent middle eastern? Seriously? I'm middle eastern, even just a little bit? Well, knock me over with a feather!

Some things were predictable. I am overwhelmingly European. 

And did I get any relative matches? Yes.